Done

All chemoed with another strategy to keep the nausea under control. I had to beg to be let home - they usually end the session with a saline solution to flush the drugs through the system but I promised to drink lots of water when I got home, so here I am, earlier than planned.

I also managed to get my next session on 20 November - they had scheduled it for 17 November but I asked this to be changed. Which means I'll be able to celebrate my birthday - it's not every day you turn 25 after all.

Til next time.

*long sigh of despair*

I'm back home not having received chemo. I'm not allowed to use bad language or I'll risk a slap from my Mum - do children EVER grow up in the eyes of their parents? Anyway it turns out that whoever took care of my appointment card got it wrong - I'm booked in on Monday. I just hope that whoever made that mistake is not one of the nurses administering chemo because if they can't get a simple date right I don't want them giving me powerful drugs. I am a bit annoyed because it takes quite a lot out of me just getting to hospital and back, and although I don't have better things to do really I don't want to waste my time this way.

Still, I'll live no doubt. Enjoy your weekends.

Oops, I forgot - thanks all for your messages of encouragement. They really are appreciated.

Kelly, I look forward to seeing pics of Jac and Elle - I think I've only seen a couple of photos of them, it'd be great to see how much they've changed. Thanks for that. If you'd like my address drop me an email at bioluminescence@hotmail.co.uk.

And if anyone else has pictures they'd like to share, feel free - Sheryl has already taken me to Canada (fantastic photos) and I wouldn't mind being transported to other places.

Blood count behaving

I've just got back from hospital - would you like the good news or the good news? First the MRI scan I had a few weeks ago revealed that the lymph nodes were clear - I had been told this was the case but I thought it was down to guess work and the breast scan. This doesn't mean that they are 100% sure about it but it's still better than guess work. Furthermore my blood count is just about above the threshold needed for treatment and because it's very unlikely it'll drop it's more or less certain I'll be getting treatment on Friday. But best of all it seems like Vicky's losing weight. Now again they can't be completely sure, especially as I've seen three different oncologists in my last three appointments - I'd rather there was a bit more continuity but there you go. I had the impression the tumour had shrunk but you never know whether your mind is playing tricks and wishful thinking's clouding your judgement. But the consultant said it was not easy to locate because it is now quite deep, and although he didn't measure it he was quite sure it was shrinking. Again there's a need to be cautious - we won't know for sure until I've had another MRI scan after the fourth cycle. This came as a bit of a shock as I thought I'd be getting a straightforward breast scan but no, I'll be stuck in that flipping tube again for around thirty minutes. Still, this was overall a good session for me and psychologically it makes the prospect of chemo less daunting. So I'm quite upbeat right now.

My cat Le Bij is having compassionate hair loss - yes, the more cynical amongst you might claim that cats tend to moult at this time of year but this is clearly nonsense. For some odd reason, though, he's looking mightily fluffy right now.

I'm adding another Photoshop creation - just cos I can. I'm getting a bit carried away with Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop at the moment so let's hope I don't get bored with them.



I bow out wishing you well.

Stand up, if you hate Man U...

Hope you're all standing up.

Enjoyable weekend here - if you ignore footie results. Michael paid me a visit, which helped put things into perspective - I could be a Newcastle supporter after all. Great to see you again, hopefully next time I'll see you will be when I'm up in Berwick.

I've been trying to keep myself busy. Part of this - actually most of this - has involved me trying to get to grips with Photoshop and Flash. And I proudly present two of my (rather pathetic) efforts here. I knew you could do a lot in Photoshop but I hadn't realised just how much you could do. Anyway, one pic went from this

to

As for my first animation I've put it up on YouTube but the quality's quite poor. And before you ask: yes, I am still bored.

Other than that I haven't been up to much. It's chemo week again which means I have to go into hospital on Wednesday to see my oncologist and if all goes according to plan I'll be getting treatment on Friday. I've only got two more cycles with these drugs, then I'll be moving on to another drug for four more cycles. I'm hoping this other drug won't be as bad in terms of side-effects.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. And that Grandma's arrived in Lymm safely...

Better mood

Ah, it's such a relief to feel better. It seems there's a pattern following chemo:

1. Nausea/fatigue - bad symptoms last 8-10 days. The nausea slowly dies off but fatigue remains a problem. A short shower will wipe me out.
2. Coated tongue/bad taste/sore mouth and throat - thankfully it only lasts for a few days. The bad taste in particular is very unpleasant - some describe it as metallic but I've never tasted metal so I wouldn't know - so that they recommend that you don't eat your favourite food to prevent you going off it.
3. Mouth ulcers/sore and bleeding gums - ouch. I'm struggling with this at the moment.

Still I'm able to do more, which means I'm not as bored as I was. And I feel almost human for it. Being bald apparently suits me, so much so that I've been told I could probably get a part in Alien. This simply filled me with joy and a sense of wellbeing. I appear to have developed a silent version of Tourette's Syndrome though - I don't think I've ever sworn as much (in my head, thankfully) as I do now when I've been out. Anything or anyone that/who very midly irritates me gets insulted. And the worst thing is that it feels so good.

I've been trying to work out how I got breast cancer - which is an exercise in futility if ever there was one because of unknowns and the large number of factors that can contribute to it. Still, I've got nothing better to do and I'm thinking about minimising the risk in the future. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not obese, I'm a vegetarian who eats little dairy, I eat healthily and I exercise moderately (though this could be improved). Interestingly, my Jewish genes could play a part. Because Jews have tended not to mix with other ethnic groups they are far more at risk from genetic diseases than other groups, to the point where there is a centre in the United States that looks specifically at genetic diseases in the Jewish population. There are two known breast cancer genes - well three actually, a new one has just been identified. Mutations in the genes BRCA1 and BRCA2 are responsible for 8 and 21% respectively of breast cancer cases in people of Ashkenazi Jewish descent. Anyway because genetically speaking I'm only 25% Jewish I'm really not sure whether I'm at an increased risk. My consultant was going to check whether I could be recommended for genetic testing. I'd be quite interested to know, to be honest.

And so is my life at the moment. Hope you're all enjoying yours.

Foul mood

I think it's safe to say I hate chemo with a passion. Nausea hasn't been a huge problem - it has come and gone in waves but I've managed to eat more healthily this time. Fatigue, on the other hand, has been a huge problem. The problem is that I've not been able to do much and, as a result, I've never been so bored in my whole life. I've not been able to read or sit up for long periods, which means I've been stuck in bed watching TV, resting or sleeping. Wahey. It's safe to say I've never been in such a foul mood either and I apologise to all those who have had the misfortune to be in touch. I think things are slowly improving. The main problem now is bad taste and a sore mouth. Everything tastes like grapefruit seed extract, and the taste is more or less 24/7. I've yet to find anything to relieve this problem but from the little research I've done nothing much can be done.

Um, I guess I'm a bit of a miserable old bat these days. I'm hoping things improve quite quickly from now on and I can go and enjoy some of this nice weather. I've at least reorganised my room so that I can now use my laptop and internet connection whilst lying in bed. I plan on teaching myself Dreamweaver and Flash, I just need to find a good book. Ideally I'd rather paint but oil painting is a tad too messy.

I know emails are due, again. Thanks all for getting in touch, it's always nice to hear what's going on in people's lives. Enjoy your weekend.

Success

Well I got it - it took a long time but I received treatment today. I left at 12.30 and got back at around 7, and I'm exhausted. Thank you for sending good vibes, praying, distant healing and suggesting visualisation techniques - something worked so you can all take the credit. Of course you are aware that it means I'll be blaming you as soon as the side effects kick in.

Good news is that after fussing when I saw my oncologist I've got more anti-sickness tablets so hopefully things won't be as bad this time round. One in particular is supposed to be very good but is not prescribed much because of its price. I got one of those tablets last time, I've got a six-day supply this time.

Enjoy your weekend and I'll update as soon as I feel better. Thanks again.

Low blood count, still

I had an appointment to see my oncologist yesterday. Generally, I'll have to see someone a couple of days before my next chemo session in order to have a blood test done to see if my body could cope with the next lot. It's also a way to keep an eye on my health generally and provide some support/advice. So I had another blood test which showed that my blood count is actually lower than last week, which I am told can happen in some patients. What this means is that unless it somehow recovers by tomorrow I won't be getting chemo. They'll delay treatment until the beginning of next week, and if things really don't improve, I'll get an injection to boost my blood count. Ideally I don't want any delays but like just about everything else I don't have much of a say. Anyway I was advised to rest and avoid stress, the latter being quite difficult when all you can do is watch daytime TV.

I am now bald. My hair started falling out quite heavily on Tuesday evening so I went to my Mum's hairdresser's - she had an appointment yesterday evening - to have it shaved off. It's a relief to be honest - my scalp was quite painful and this has taken the pressure off it. I'm absolutely fine about it. I know it's an issue that upsets quite a lot of women but it will grow back. However it does make the illness very real because once the chemo side effects have disappeared you don't feel ill at all. I'm still debating whether to get a wig as I feel quite comfortable with head scarves and hats, but at the same time I'd quite like to get a "funky" wig. I'll think about it a bit more but it isn't a priority by any stretch of the imagination.

I had a trip to the Science Museum on Tuesday, which I quite enjoyed. I did get tired very quickly so wasn't able to do much - I had to stop and sit down, and realised I'd done so in the Mathematics section. Scary. It was my first trip there but I'll definitely be going back. I'll just have to remember to plan my journey so I get to see those sections whose subjects I actually understand.

Positive vibes so that I get my chemo tomorrow more than welcome.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which is a worldwide event aiming to not only raise awareness but also much needed funds, as well as to provide information to patients. It was launched in 1993 by Evelyn Lauder - Estee Lauder's daughter-in-law. Evelyn has raised millions of dollars for the cause - last year alone she raised $25 million - and she has now written Great Taste, a book of recipes which reflect the hypothesised link between breast cancer and diet. All proceeds will go to support the Breast Cancer Research Foundation which was set up by Evelyn in 1993 to raise funds for clinical research and which supports more than 110 scientists across the world.

In the UK pink products should be available from big guns such Asda and Boots, as well as QVC, Dorothy Perkins, Swarovski and Interflora. If you order flowers from the Interflora website (using this link) Interflora will donate 10% for all purchases made by visitors from the Breast Cancer Care website. Look out for wristbands and pin badges, or look on the Lavender Trust website for more products. The Lavender Trust is especially aimed at younger women with breast cancer, as issues such as loss of fertility are more likely to affect us. I'm not aware of what's happening in other countries, please let me know and I'll add details on here.

I'm having a fairly relaxing weekend. My hair's started to fall out, but we're only talking strands here and it's not yet visible. My eyebrows also appear affected - no more tweezers for me hopefully. I've already ordered some head scarves online, and I might pop out to get one in case my hair starts falling out at an alarming rate (which is likely to happen).

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. I went round to the shops yesterday and just wanted to get back to the safety of my room as quickly as possible. I'm not quite sure what all this is about, maybe the magnitude of what I'm facing has finally hit home. Although I have some control, such as making sure I eat the right food, everything is pretty much out of my control. I'm having to rely on a variety of people who tell me what kind of treatment I'm to have. I see these people once every three weeks and in between I'm left wondering what's happening to Vicky, if the treatment is having an effect, what the slight pain I have means, etc. I guess all I can do is keep on taking care of myself and remember that I am in good hands and getting great support from everyone. And remember that things could be worse - I could be Paris Hilton. Is there anything she can do that cannot be done by a block of polystyrene? Surely the first black hole to be found on Earth.

Mum's back from her retreat with an "action plan". This immediately conjured an image of the Army, with Mum as the colonel organising everything in minute details. She's rested and had a great time I believe. Let's hope I don't wear her down too quickly with my incessant rants following Liverpool games.