Hasta la vista, alopecia

My hair's growing back. Well it might be a bit premature to call it hair - it's more like a layer of fluff some two millimetres long - but it's definitely growing. This has come as quite a surprise as 80% of people treated with Taxotere experience hair loss, and this usually starts approximately two weeks after the first treatment. Obviously I was already bald but five weeks after the first treatment my hair is growing. And I'm not complaining -I was expecting my hair to start growing again in April so it's a bonus.

Along the same same positive lines I've not felt this 'mentally alert' since treatment started, and it feels great. I've been able to carry out some extra research into things and it's all falling into place. Overall I feel less tired but I'm aware I need to be careful. Feeling less tired I opted to prepare my own meal on Thursday - and ended up having to spend three days in bed recovering. I guess I'm going to have to learn to get the balance right, and it might take some time. Still, I only have two more lots of chemo to go, so with a little luck it won't be a problem for much longer. Of course if I do get radiotherapy it may well be worse but we'll just have to cross that bridge in due time.

Unfortunately for you a more alert mind means that I can now officially launch my 'Nerdy Corner' section. I know some of you are interested in my findings on a variety of cancer-related themes - apologies to everyone else. I was going to start with an explanation of how my chemo drugs work but I realise it's not the best place to start. So I'll have to think about how best to do it. Expect an update soon.

Perplexed, but I'm not complaining

Well here I am, just over one week after the last chemo cycle and things could not be more different from the last lot. As you all know I didn't have the best of time with the first Taxotere cycle but things have been a lot better this time round. As soon as the pain started last Thursday I started taking Paracetamol and took it regularly, irrespective of the level of pain. I'm assuming this is why pain hasn't been that bad - I certainly have been able to move quite freely. To add to this I've not (yet) reacted to the injections, so no temperature - if the injections were actually the cause for the temperature in the first place. I really don't understand this - and I don't have enough knowledge of the human body to even make a guess. I'm hoping it's the 'pre-emptive strike' on pain that minimised the side-effects because I'll certainly be repeating that behaviour.

Fatigue remains the main problem, and my mouth has been quite sore. I'm not sleeping well at all because of hot flushes and night sweats, which undoubtedly adds to the fatigue problem. Thankfully I can have a lie down whenever I need it during the day so things could be a lot worse from that perspective. And of course Mum takes very good care of me, which means there isn't much I actually have to do.

As a result I've been able to do a bit more. Those who know me will know I get bored if my mind isn't stimulated. So I'm now working on a few things and getting nowhere fast - I really need to be concentrating on one thing at a time as my mind shuts down quite quickly. But fear not - I shall be boring you with nerdy facts relating to cancer very soon. I read an interesting article today on how a compound of the japaleno pepper has been shown to kill lung and pancreatic cancer cells grown in the laboratory. It does so by targeting the mitochondria - "the cells' energy-generating boiler room" - of cancer cells as apparently "the biochemistry of the mitochondria in cancer cells is very different from that in normal cells". Which, as far as I'm concerned, currently roughly translates into 'U wot?'. Anyway this ought to keep me busy for some time.

I hope you're all well - especially my fellow Liverpool supporters.

Happy New Year - and good riddance to 2006

I hope festivities were happy all round. I can't complain as such - I was stuck in bed for the bulk of it but only because of fatigue and not because of pain or other side-effects.

I had chemo yesterday, which turned out to be quite a long day. I was happy as the blood tests I had last Wednesday, when I went to see my oncologist, showed that my blood count was high enough so that no blood test was required yesterday. I naively assumed that it meant I wouldn't be spending ages in the chemo uni but of course things are never as straightforwad as this. Because I ususally get chemo on Mondays, and that Monday was a Bank Holiday, they added the bulk of the Monday patients to the Tuesday clinic, effectively doubling the number of patients in the process. I think this would've been manageable if they hadn't been having problems in the pharmacy, not least with people calling in sick. My appointment was for 1.30pm but I only got my chemo after 5pm. Ah well, just one of those things I guess.

I'm not having any side-effects at the moment. If the last lot is anything to go by I will start getting pain tomorrow and this will quickly get worse. I'll be starting the injections on Saturday and I suspect I will react again, making the pain worse and getting a high temperature. The oncologist has already prescribed me some antibiotics as well as some strong painkillers so hopefully these will help and save me having to go into hospital for further tests again. I have to admit that the fatigue is a huge problem at the moment. I have lost a lot of strength. A slight hill or stairs make me completely breathless and I get quite bad muscle pain which leads to shaking. Which means I basically have to walk very slowly whenever I venture outdoors - which is only when I have to go to hospital thankfully. I struggled quite badly last week as I had to go in to see my oncologist and get a blood test on Wednesday. I then got a phone call in the evening to let me know I needed to go back as the tests revealed once again that my potassium levels were high. However, once again, it was a false reading. To be honest, if this happens next time, I will tell them that it's not good enough because it takes a lot out of me.

I'm not quite sure what 2007 has in store for me - I guess nobody does. I should technically get my last chemo cycle around 12-13 February. Then I suspect I'll have another MRI scan before surgery, but I don't know how much of a break I'll be getting. Radiotherapy is an option but not a certainty. Finally it'll be Herceptin and hormone therapy. On the good side, whenever I have a wee window of opportunity to plan things - about five days every three weeks - I can start making plans. So far this is what's looking very probable:

1. Going to Lymm to meet my nephew Theo and catch up with Justin (and Fiona and Patrick, of course).

2. Going to Dorset to a cottage we rented last year and we absolutely loved - the Cartshed. It is owned by an organic farmer who has access to a private beach (part of the Jurassic Coast World Heritage Site) which we can of course use.

3. Attending three football games - two at Anfield, thanks to the Willow Foundation and my friend Hazel, and one at Craven Cottage as our greengrocers are Fulham supporters and have offered to get me a ticket.

Then, depending on finances and health, I would like:

1. One week in the Peak District - it's an area I really don't know well but would love to visit. I've driven through it with my brother-in-law Patrick when we went to Castleton and some areas looked fantastic.

2. Two weeks on the North Coast of Cornwall - those who know me know that I'm a bit obsessed with Cornwall and would love to move there.

3. I have to admit that there are a lot of places I'd like to go but I know it's not quite an option but who knows? Because of climate change I've made the decision not to fly anymore unless an emergency occurs. I might, just might, bend this rule to go to Madeira as it's been recommended to me several times - apparently the flora is extraordinary there.

Other plans I have include:

1. Reclaiming a plot of contaminated land - Now this is really only an extremely vague plan. The idea is to find some metal-contaminated plot and use plants to remove the contaminants. The dissertation I wrote as part of my degree included a similar idea. I looked at how efficient two varieties of ryegrass were at removing lead from soils. In the project I'd like to carry now I'm thinking more along the lines of garden design, using, depending on the contaminants present, species such as willow from which a variety of objects could be weaved. At this point in time I have no idea if anything will come of this but it should at least keep me busy. Finn is using her contacts to check whether a plot is available - always a good place to start.

2. Helping to carry out an eco-audit on a housing coop to see how it could become more environmentally-friendly.

3. Carrying out voluntary work or finding some kind of graduate scheme.

4. Working on online Geographical Information Systems (GIS) courses as I'd love to do a Masters in GIS. I've found the ideal distance learning course but it is quite expensive so again I'll have to check all my options before I make a decision.

Anyway I've no doubt waffled on enough. I wish you all a very happy, healthy and successful 2007, whether you are in warm and sunny Dubai or Australia (great to hear from you Stephanie) and rather less warm and sunny Switzerland, Belgium/Croatia or the UK. Be good and look after yourselves.

Merry Christmas

Holy shamoly. The new drug is a complete nightmare. I felt fine on the day it was administered and the following day but it soon started going all wrong. I started having muscle and joint pain on Wednesday. This got progressively worse to the point where I could hardly move. I had to start my granocyte reconstitution injections - didn't quite enjoy having to inject myself - and I reacted to that, too. By Friday evening I had a high temperature. I phoned the out-of-hours medical oncologoy department and the on-call oncologist made me go to Guy's Hospital as infections can be life-threatening when you are getting chemo. Thankfully our friend Sarah was able to drive me there or I don't know how I would've coped. I was told I'd have to wait ten minutes before someone would see me. Some two hours later a haemotologist came to see me. By this time my temperature was down and I wanted to go home but a blood specialist could of course not let me go. She tried to get some blood but my veins keep on collapsing and it was only on her third attempt that she managed to draw sufficient blood - I feel like a voodoo doll. Then I was left there waiting for the results - there being a ward full of cancer patients with infections, all in various degrees of pain and/or discomfort. A nurse came round at about midnight to fill in one of these stupid forms the NHS is so keen on, and that took a while. Then at 3 am I had to have another blood test - the other test had revealed that my blood count was fine, this was just to verify if there'd been a change. Because I still had a bit of a temperature I was put on antibiotics. The full lights came on at 6 am but since I couldn't sleep because of all of the noise it didn't bother me too much. Breakfast was served at 9 am. Is no one in the NHS aware of the benefits of good nutrition? I asked for some soya milk - 'I could get some ordered from the kitchens' - then thought herbal tea would be simpler to get - 'That's far too posh'. So I had toast with jam. The oncologists started doing their rounds and I was seen at about 11 am, when I was told I could go home. Excellent, I thought. That was before stupid bureaucracy kicked in. Although the required antibiotics could be found in my bedside cabinet staff are not allowed to give you these to take home. A new prescription has to be written and collected. They said they would take care of it for me. So I sat and waited... and got my medication at 3.30 pm. Four and a half hours sitting in considerable pain and in a ward full of people with infections. Whoever thought of that system needs shooting. Ok, rant over.

I was in a lot of pain up until yesterday and was basically stuck in bed. I've also been reacting - I think - to the daily injections, which have thankfully ended today. I've had a temperature of almost 39C degrees but I've flatly refused to phone the oncology department again. Up until yesterday, when I came up in a rash and found a wee, painful lump on my arm. I tried phoning the out-of-hours service again only to be told: 'This department is now closed, please phone later. Goodbye'. Thankfully my surgery was open late so I phoned my GP, who believes I have thrombosis - I really don't think my veins are having a particularly good time of it.

So here I am today. I'm starting to feel better. The pain's almost gone and I've not had a fever yet, but that tends to happen during the night. Without the injections I'll be able to see if the fever could be caused by something else - fingers crossed not. I have to say I have really, really struggled this time to the point where I haven't even bothered trying to watch Liverpool - there's an indication for you. I've got to go and see my oncologist next Wednesday and for once I will be laying it on thick.

Needless to say the Christmas cards haven't happened - apologies, and thank you, to all of you who sent me one. I will do better next year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to every single one of you - hope you have a grand one.

New drug

Thankfully my blood count recovered in time for me to get chemo yesterday. Although I have to admit I spent the bulk of last week hoping it wouldn't as I was so tired - fatigue is undoubtedly accumulating and I'm struggling with it. Which is one of the reasons I haven't emailed anyone recently - apologies for that. So far so good with the other drug so I'll tackle the emails very soon.

As yet I'm not suffering from any side-effects. I had mild nausea yesterday but that went after I'd eaten. I am very tired but whether that's the drugs or the continuation of a constant theme is hard to know. Most importantly I didn't suffer from any allergic reaction, which I have to say had me worried, especially the anaphylactic shock part. The steroids I had to take actually ensure that the most severe effects are kept to a miminum but I had no symptom at all. Fatigue, hair loss (what hair?) and painful joints and muscles are likely to be the worst problems this time round but since I already tick two of these boxes I'm not particularly worried. Incidentally I don't know if I've mentioned this on here yet but I look a bit like Litvinenko. When that picture of him lying in hospital was first released I thought 'Oh, um, no, you're imagining things', especially as I don't look like him when we both look healthy. But then I let it slip in a couple of conversations with people who see me regularly and they went 'Yes, that's what I was thinking, too'. Some people know how to make you feel good about yourself. Having said that, considering that the side-effects up until now have included: nausea, fatigue, heartburn, sore and bleeding gums, mouth ulcers, sore and watery eyes, collapsing veins, hair loss, effect on bone marrow (leading in low blood count and shortness of breath) and menopausal symptoms, most of which have kept me awake at night, I can hardly expect to be a picture of health.

The chemo day unit has moved to the tenth floor (from the third) and is a more pleasant area, though not ideal by any means. The waiting room is minute, and compared to some, I look positively healthy. Especially at this time of the year, with all the bugs doing the rounds. However, I'm starting to 'make friends' with those people I see regularly and it's actually nice being able to share our experiences and little pieces of advice with one another. As I've already said I can't complain because the level of support I have got has been second to none, and I can't thank people enough. However, sharing with people who know exactly what you are going through offers additional strength and the ability to be completely open. Anyway, I managed to get a nice cosy place, as far as it goes in such a place, in a corner yesterday and proceeded to watch The Incredibles on my portable media player. It did help settle my nerves as I really don't enjoy that place. Another piece of good news is that there will be a separate room for those receiving Herceptin. Herceptin is not a chemo drug per se, as it doesn't destroy healthy cells. Instead, it targets the cancer cells and also attracts the body's immune cells to help destroy the cancer cells. This means that the side-effects are virtually non-existent. Since I'll be on Herceptin for a whole year, receiving it every three weeks, I'd rather be in a room where people don't look like they're on the verge of collapsing - very selfish I know but a lot kinder on my nerves.

I'd better be off for the time being. I hope you're all well and got your Christmas cards and shopping under control - I haven't of course, nothing new there.

The results are in

I went to see my oncologist this morning and the news is good. Volume-wise, it appears that Vicky has shrunk by just under 62%. I'm not too sure about this figure as measurements from the first MRI scan were two-dimensional, whereas measurements from last week's scan were three-dimensional. So we had to estimate the initial third dimension. 62% may well be a conservative estimate but I'll take it and won't complain. I'm just hoping we got it right, 62% sounds too good to be true, even if the oncologist wasn't that surprised.

Bad news as far as this stupid blood count goes as it's half what it should be. And this has really annoyed me because it'll mean a long day on Monday, should the blood count have recovered by then. I have got my steroids to take on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to try and minimise any potential allergic reaction to the next drug (Taxotere, also known as Docetaxel). The change of drugs half-way through treatment appears to make it more effective but no one could explain why. Just one of those things. I also have six "granocyte reconstitution" liquid thingybobs and syringes for injection, which is supposed to boost my blood count as Taxotere actually has a worse impact on blood count than the drugs I've been on so far - hurrah.

I got back home and received a phone call from a chemo nurse telling me that the blood test revealed an abnormality - my potassium level is too high - and I needed an urgent blood test. The nurse asked if I could back to hospital but I said I was too tired. So she told me to go to my surgery and get it done there. So I went to my surgery and was told by a rather, um, inflexible receptionist that I could only get a blood test in the morning. At which point I could've just burst into tears. Back home I went, phoned the chemo nurse again and she really insisted that I get that blood test done today. At this point I did burst into tears. So, rather embarrassingly, my Mum took charge of things. A nurse from the surgery came to our house, got the blood and took it back to the surgery, where a courier was waiting to take the blood to hospital. I know the NHS gets a lot of criticism for one reason or another but I simply can't fault them. Not only am I not paying one penny towards the cost of my treatment they have taken charge of everything - I simply turn up where I'm supposed to and that's it. Anyway, I am extremely grateful to my Mum for sorting this one out, and boy is that receptionist going to get a dirty look next time I see her.

So here I am. I am fairly exhausted but fine otherwise. The only minor problem now is bleeding and sore gums but I have a mouthwash which helps a bit.

A Benfica win tonight would make my day, mind, but I don't see it happening.

Welcome to the world, Theo

It has happened - Fiona has given birth to Theo, who made his appearance yesterday at 3.30pm. Both are doing well I'm told and will be going home at some point today. Congratulations to Fiona and Patrick - so so happy for them. Justin is very pleased to have a little brother - it's just what he wanted, apparently.

I had my MRI scan this morning. It was a bit too early and I struggled getting home. Thankfully, in the absence of my Mum who's up in Lymm, Finn managed to get some time off work and accompanied me. I don't think I would've made it otherwise - it would have been too much of an effort. Anyway the scan itself wasn't too bad and I'm glad it's over. I'll know exactly what's happening to Vicky next week when I see my oncologist.

Nothing much to report otherwise. I'm slowly starting to feel human again - it'll be nice to be able to enjoy things a bit more again.

AC chemo - done and dusted

Final dose of the nasties was administered on Monday though there was some doubt. I got a phone call from a chemo nurse on Monday morning letting me know that my blood count was again low and I needed another blood test to see whether I'd get the go-ahead. Which I did, in the end. I need to do something about this problem though, if it's possible. A low blood count means that not only do I have to go in early to get another test done it also means that my drugs are not pre-prepared, which means I end up spending a lot of time in hospital waiting. For example, I was supposed to get chemo at 2.30pm on Monday. Because of the additional blood test I had to be in at 12.30pm. When that came back ok, I had to wait for the drugs to be prepared and I had to wait until 4.15 to finally get treatment. So if anyone has any suggestions as to how to boost my blood count or improve my immune system, please let me know.

The side-effects are not too bad. Nausea started almost immediately but hasn't been too bad since. Fatigue remains the main problem and my mouth is now starting to hurt, so I'm moving onto the next phase. I think fatigue has been aggravated by my cold, which has in turn triggered asthma problems - which I never have without a cold - and led to lack of sleep. But things are improving there.

Seems like I'm off on one so here are some good news. I was able to go out on my birthday last weekend and enjoyed to more-than-decent weather we had in London. I only went for a short walk to Battersea Park but I thouroughly enjoyed it. And here are a few photos to prove it.

My sister Laura and her boyfriend Brad are up from Cornwall to attend a birthday party and have brought me a funky hat. I'm debating whether to put up photos of me with all my hats but I thought I'd spare you - I don't like having my photo taken at best of times so you can guess how bad it is right now. My sister Fiona has still not given birth, which I think it's rather rude as they haven't told us if it's a boy or a girl and I'm getting a tad impatient now.

And so it is - I've got a bit of a routine going on but overall things could be a lot worse.

Wisdom teeth, colds and other matters

After enjoying last weekend I can't say this week's been too good. I've got a wisdom tooth coming through, which is not thankfully as painful as it was at one point. Then I got a cold and although it's not a nasty one it's keeping me awake at night. And I finally had to go to the doctor's because of horrendous heartburn, which turns out to be caused by the chemo. So all in all I've had better times. But on the good side I've managed to get birthday cards and pressies on time - somewhat of a first for those who know me. Anyway I'm aware that I still owe emails and they are on their way - it's a promise.

I had my appointment with an oncologist on Wednesday with not much to report. He did (roughly) measure the lump and again suggested a reduction in size but we won't know for sure until the MRI scan, which will take place on 29 November. I have started to put on weight. I suspect this was to be expected as I'm eating reasonably well but not exactly moving much. I'm not exactly making an effort to prevent this as the next lot of chemo drugs will require steroids as 25% of people suffer from anaphylactic shock when taking them, and steroids usually cause substantial weight gain. I suspect it's retribution for calling the lump Vicky Pollard - I'm slowly starting to look like Matt Lucas.

Enjoy your weekends and behave.

Richmond Park

As some of you may know my father came over from Switzerland to see me this weekend. As I was feeling up to it we went to the Isabella Plantation in Richmond Park. I'd only been there once and thought it would be a good idea to go back since autumn colours are looking rather good at the moment. I thoroughly enjoyed it even if I did overdo it and got some nice piccies. I feel much better for it. Here are three pics - I've added a few more of MyFotothing if you want to have a look.

I also got a new hat and some crisps and of course chocoloate so a big thank you to my Dad.

I also have heating in my room - the valves had stuck themselves in an off position and were only changed on Thursday. It has made a huge difference - my metabolism simply wasn't coping with the cold. My body kept on going from freezing to overheating, and needless to say I feel much better for being kept at an average temperature.

That's it for the time being I think. Hope you're all enjoying your weekend.

Back in the land of the living

Just about... It seems to take about nine days for me to start feeling half-human again, and it's good to be back. Mouth ulcers and bleeding gums are keeping me company but I can cope with that.

I can't say I've been up to much - believe it or not. I did attempt a trip to the shops yesterday as I was getting a bit desperate. I'm very lucky in that I have a few people who help me with everything and make my life a lot easier. But it's difficult not being able to do things for yourself - simple things such as walking around the shops, seeing food you fancy and buying it. Anyway I took myself off to M&S yesterday and bought a few things. It was too soon to do it - I got home feeling very sick and tired. But I got some nice food and some fresh air - and it did me some good.

Other than that I've had guests over, one of which decided that we should play 'Let's play wigs'. So I finally got my comb-over and a few other interesting styles. It's nice to know I'm not completely useless even when feeling rubbish.

I know I owe a few emails again, and I shall start writing them soon. Hope you're all well.

Done

All chemoed with another strategy to keep the nausea under control. I had to beg to be let home - they usually end the session with a saline solution to flush the drugs through the system but I promised to drink lots of water when I got home, so here I am, earlier than planned.

I also managed to get my next session on 20 November - they had scheduled it for 17 November but I asked this to be changed. Which means I'll be able to celebrate my birthday - it's not every day you turn 25 after all.

Til next time.

*long sigh of despair*

I'm back home not having received chemo. I'm not allowed to use bad language or I'll risk a slap from my Mum - do children EVER grow up in the eyes of their parents? Anyway it turns out that whoever took care of my appointment card got it wrong - I'm booked in on Monday. I just hope that whoever made that mistake is not one of the nurses administering chemo because if they can't get a simple date right I don't want them giving me powerful drugs. I am a bit annoyed because it takes quite a lot out of me just getting to hospital and back, and although I don't have better things to do really I don't want to waste my time this way.

Still, I'll live no doubt. Enjoy your weekends.

Oops, I forgot - thanks all for your messages of encouragement. They really are appreciated.

Kelly, I look forward to seeing pics of Jac and Elle - I think I've only seen a couple of photos of them, it'd be great to see how much they've changed. Thanks for that. If you'd like my address drop me an email at bioluminescence@hotmail.co.uk.

And if anyone else has pictures they'd like to share, feel free - Sheryl has already taken me to Canada (fantastic photos) and I wouldn't mind being transported to other places.

Blood count behaving

I've just got back from hospital - would you like the good news or the good news? First the MRI scan I had a few weeks ago revealed that the lymph nodes were clear - I had been told this was the case but I thought it was down to guess work and the breast scan. This doesn't mean that they are 100% sure about it but it's still better than guess work. Furthermore my blood count is just about above the threshold needed for treatment and because it's very unlikely it'll drop it's more or less certain I'll be getting treatment on Friday. But best of all it seems like Vicky's losing weight. Now again they can't be completely sure, especially as I've seen three different oncologists in my last three appointments - I'd rather there was a bit more continuity but there you go. I had the impression the tumour had shrunk but you never know whether your mind is playing tricks and wishful thinking's clouding your judgement. But the consultant said it was not easy to locate because it is now quite deep, and although he didn't measure it he was quite sure it was shrinking. Again there's a need to be cautious - we won't know for sure until I've had another MRI scan after the fourth cycle. This came as a bit of a shock as I thought I'd be getting a straightforward breast scan but no, I'll be stuck in that flipping tube again for around thirty minutes. Still, this was overall a good session for me and psychologically it makes the prospect of chemo less daunting. So I'm quite upbeat right now.

My cat Le Bij is having compassionate hair loss - yes, the more cynical amongst you might claim that cats tend to moult at this time of year but this is clearly nonsense. For some odd reason, though, he's looking mightily fluffy right now.

I'm adding another Photoshop creation - just cos I can. I'm getting a bit carried away with Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop at the moment so let's hope I don't get bored with them.



I bow out wishing you well.

Stand up, if you hate Man U...

Hope you're all standing up.

Enjoyable weekend here - if you ignore footie results. Michael paid me a visit, which helped put things into perspective - I could be a Newcastle supporter after all. Great to see you again, hopefully next time I'll see you will be when I'm up in Berwick.

I've been trying to keep myself busy. Part of this - actually most of this - has involved me trying to get to grips with Photoshop and Flash. And I proudly present two of my (rather pathetic) efforts here. I knew you could do a lot in Photoshop but I hadn't realised just how much you could do. Anyway, one pic went from this

to

As for my first animation I've put it up on YouTube but the quality's quite poor. And before you ask: yes, I am still bored.

Other than that I haven't been up to much. It's chemo week again which means I have to go into hospital on Wednesday to see my oncologist and if all goes according to plan I'll be getting treatment on Friday. I've only got two more cycles with these drugs, then I'll be moving on to another drug for four more cycles. I'm hoping this other drug won't be as bad in terms of side-effects.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. And that Grandma's arrived in Lymm safely...

Better mood

Ah, it's such a relief to feel better. It seems there's a pattern following chemo:

1. Nausea/fatigue - bad symptoms last 8-10 days. The nausea slowly dies off but fatigue remains a problem. A short shower will wipe me out.
2. Coated tongue/bad taste/sore mouth and throat - thankfully it only lasts for a few days. The bad taste in particular is very unpleasant - some describe it as metallic but I've never tasted metal so I wouldn't know - so that they recommend that you don't eat your favourite food to prevent you going off it.
3. Mouth ulcers/sore and bleeding gums - ouch. I'm struggling with this at the moment.

Still I'm able to do more, which means I'm not as bored as I was. And I feel almost human for it. Being bald apparently suits me, so much so that I've been told I could probably get a part in Alien. This simply filled me with joy and a sense of wellbeing. I appear to have developed a silent version of Tourette's Syndrome though - I don't think I've ever sworn as much (in my head, thankfully) as I do now when I've been out. Anything or anyone that/who very midly irritates me gets insulted. And the worst thing is that it feels so good.

I've been trying to work out how I got breast cancer - which is an exercise in futility if ever there was one because of unknowns and the large number of factors that can contribute to it. Still, I've got nothing better to do and I'm thinking about minimising the risk in the future. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not obese, I'm a vegetarian who eats little dairy, I eat healthily and I exercise moderately (though this could be improved). Interestingly, my Jewish genes could play a part. Because Jews have tended not to mix with other ethnic groups they are far more at risk from genetic diseases than other groups, to the point where there is a centre in the United States that looks specifically at genetic diseases in the Jewish population. There are two known breast cancer genes - well three actually, a new one has just been identified. Mutations in the genes BRCA1 and BRCA2 are responsible for 8 and 21% respectively of breast cancer cases in people of Ashkenazi Jewish descent. Anyway because genetically speaking I'm only 25% Jewish I'm really not sure whether I'm at an increased risk. My consultant was going to check whether I could be recommended for genetic testing. I'd be quite interested to know, to be honest.

And so is my life at the moment. Hope you're all enjoying yours.

Foul mood

I think it's safe to say I hate chemo with a passion. Nausea hasn't been a huge problem - it has come and gone in waves but I've managed to eat more healthily this time. Fatigue, on the other hand, has been a huge problem. The problem is that I've not been able to do much and, as a result, I've never been so bored in my whole life. I've not been able to read or sit up for long periods, which means I've been stuck in bed watching TV, resting or sleeping. Wahey. It's safe to say I've never been in such a foul mood either and I apologise to all those who have had the misfortune to be in touch. I think things are slowly improving. The main problem now is bad taste and a sore mouth. Everything tastes like grapefruit seed extract, and the taste is more or less 24/7. I've yet to find anything to relieve this problem but from the little research I've done nothing much can be done.

Um, I guess I'm a bit of a miserable old bat these days. I'm hoping things improve quite quickly from now on and I can go and enjoy some of this nice weather. I've at least reorganised my room so that I can now use my laptop and internet connection whilst lying in bed. I plan on teaching myself Dreamweaver and Flash, I just need to find a good book. Ideally I'd rather paint but oil painting is a tad too messy.

I know emails are due, again. Thanks all for getting in touch, it's always nice to hear what's going on in people's lives. Enjoy your weekend.

Success

Well I got it - it took a long time but I received treatment today. I left at 12.30 and got back at around 7, and I'm exhausted. Thank you for sending good vibes, praying, distant healing and suggesting visualisation techniques - something worked so you can all take the credit. Of course you are aware that it means I'll be blaming you as soon as the side effects kick in.

Good news is that after fussing when I saw my oncologist I've got more anti-sickness tablets so hopefully things won't be as bad this time round. One in particular is supposed to be very good but is not prescribed much because of its price. I got one of those tablets last time, I've got a six-day supply this time.

Enjoy your weekend and I'll update as soon as I feel better. Thanks again.

Low blood count, still

I had an appointment to see my oncologist yesterday. Generally, I'll have to see someone a couple of days before my next chemo session in order to have a blood test done to see if my body could cope with the next lot. It's also a way to keep an eye on my health generally and provide some support/advice. So I had another blood test which showed that my blood count is actually lower than last week, which I am told can happen in some patients. What this means is that unless it somehow recovers by tomorrow I won't be getting chemo. They'll delay treatment until the beginning of next week, and if things really don't improve, I'll get an injection to boost my blood count. Ideally I don't want any delays but like just about everything else I don't have much of a say. Anyway I was advised to rest and avoid stress, the latter being quite difficult when all you can do is watch daytime TV.

I am now bald. My hair started falling out quite heavily on Tuesday evening so I went to my Mum's hairdresser's - she had an appointment yesterday evening - to have it shaved off. It's a relief to be honest - my scalp was quite painful and this has taken the pressure off it. I'm absolutely fine about it. I know it's an issue that upsets quite a lot of women but it will grow back. However it does make the illness very real because once the chemo side effects have disappeared you don't feel ill at all. I'm still debating whether to get a wig as I feel quite comfortable with head scarves and hats, but at the same time I'd quite like to get a "funky" wig. I'll think about it a bit more but it isn't a priority by any stretch of the imagination.

I had a trip to the Science Museum on Tuesday, which I quite enjoyed. I did get tired very quickly so wasn't able to do much - I had to stop and sit down, and realised I'd done so in the Mathematics section. Scary. It was my first trip there but I'll definitely be going back. I'll just have to remember to plan my journey so I get to see those sections whose subjects I actually understand.

Positive vibes so that I get my chemo tomorrow more than welcome.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which is a worldwide event aiming to not only raise awareness but also much needed funds, as well as to provide information to patients. It was launched in 1993 by Evelyn Lauder - Estee Lauder's daughter-in-law. Evelyn has raised millions of dollars for the cause - last year alone she raised $25 million - and she has now written Great Taste, a book of recipes which reflect the hypothesised link between breast cancer and diet. All proceeds will go to support the Breast Cancer Research Foundation which was set up by Evelyn in 1993 to raise funds for clinical research and which supports more than 110 scientists across the world.

In the UK pink products should be available from big guns such Asda and Boots, as well as QVC, Dorothy Perkins, Swarovski and Interflora. If you order flowers from the Interflora website (using this link) Interflora will donate 10% for all purchases made by visitors from the Breast Cancer Care website. Look out for wristbands and pin badges, or look on the Lavender Trust website for more products. The Lavender Trust is especially aimed at younger women with breast cancer, as issues such as loss of fertility are more likely to affect us. I'm not aware of what's happening in other countries, please let me know and I'll add details on here.

I'm having a fairly relaxing weekend. My hair's started to fall out, but we're only talking strands here and it's not yet visible. My eyebrows also appear affected - no more tweezers for me hopefully. I've already ordered some head scarves online, and I might pop out to get one in case my hair starts falling out at an alarming rate (which is likely to happen).

I have to admit I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. I went round to the shops yesterday and just wanted to get back to the safety of my room as quickly as possible. I'm not quite sure what all this is about, maybe the magnitude of what I'm facing has finally hit home. Although I have some control, such as making sure I eat the right food, everything is pretty much out of my control. I'm having to rely on a variety of people who tell me what kind of treatment I'm to have. I see these people once every three weeks and in between I'm left wondering what's happening to Vicky, if the treatment is having an effect, what the slight pain I have means, etc. I guess all I can do is keep on taking care of myself and remember that I am in good hands and getting great support from everyone. And remember that things could be worse - I could be Paris Hilton. Is there anything she can do that cannot be done by a block of polystyrene? Surely the first black hole to be found on Earth.

Mum's back from her retreat with an "action plan". This immediately conjured an image of the Army, with Mum as the colonel organising everything in minute details. She's rested and had a great time I believe. Let's hope I don't wear her down too quickly with my incessant rants following Liverpool games.