Holy shamoly. The new drug is a complete nightmare. I felt fine on the day it was administered and the following day but it soon started going all wrong. I started having muscle and joint pain on Wednesday. This got progressively worse to the point where I could hardly move. I had to start my granocyte reconstitution injections - didn't quite enjoy having to inject myself - and I reacted to that, too. By Friday evening I had a high temperature. I phoned the out-of-hours medical oncologoy department and the on-call oncologist made me go to Guy's Hospital as infections can be life-threatening when you are getting chemo. Thankfully our friend Sarah was able to drive me there or I don't know how I would've coped. I was told I'd have to wait ten minutes before someone would see me. Some two hours later a haemotologist came to see me. By this time my temperature was down and I wanted to go home but a blood specialist could of course not let me go. She tried to get some blood but my veins keep on collapsing and it was only on her third attempt that she managed to draw sufficient blood - I feel like a voodoo doll. Then I was left there waiting for the results - there being a ward full of cancer patients with infections, all in various degrees of pain and/or discomfort. A nurse came round at about midnight to fill in one of these stupid forms the NHS is so keen on, and that took a while. Then at 3 am I had to have another blood test - the other test had revealed that my blood count was fine, this was just to verify if there'd been a change. Because I still had a bit of a temperature I was put on antibiotics. The full lights came on at 6 am but since I couldn't sleep because of all of the noise it didn't bother me too much. Breakfast was served at 9 am. Is no one in the NHS aware of the benefits of good nutrition? I asked for some soya milk - 'I could get some ordered from the kitchens' - then thought herbal tea would be simpler to get - 'That's far too posh'. So I had toast with jam. The oncologists started doing their rounds and I was seen at about 11 am, when I was told I could go home. Excellent, I thought. That was before stupid bureaucracy kicked in. Although the required antibiotics could be found in my bedside cabinet staff are not allowed to give you these to take home. A new prescription has to be written and collected. They said they would take care of it for me. So I sat and waited... and got my medication at 3.30 pm. Four and a half hours sitting in considerable pain and in a ward full of people with infections. Whoever thought of that system needs shooting. Ok, rant over.
I was in a lot of pain up until yesterday and was basically stuck in bed. I've also been reacting - I think - to the daily injections, which have thankfully ended today. I've had a temperature of almost 39C degrees but I've flatly refused to phone the oncology department again. Up until yesterday, when I came up in a rash and found a wee, painful lump on my arm. I tried phoning the out-of-hours service again only to be told: 'This department is now closed, please phone later. Goodbye'. Thankfully my surgery was open late so I phoned my GP, who believes I have thrombosis - I really don't think my veins are having a particularly good time of it.
So here I am today. I'm starting to feel better. The pain's almost gone and I've not had a fever yet, but that tends to happen during the night. Without the injections I'll be able to see if the fever could be caused by something else - fingers crossed not. I have to say I have really, really struggled this time to the point where I haven't even bothered trying to watch Liverpool - there's an indication for you. I've got to go and see my oncologist next Wednesday and for once I will be laying it on thick.
Needless to say the Christmas cards haven't happened - apologies, and thank you, to all of you who sent me one. I will do better next year.
MERRY CHRISTMAS to every single one of you - hope you have a grand one.
21 December 2006
12 December 2006
New drug
Thankfully my blood count recovered in time for me to get chemo yesterday. Although I have to admit I spent the bulk of last week hoping it wouldn't as I was so tired - fatigue is undoubtedly accumulating and I'm struggling with it. Which is one of the reasons I haven't emailed anyone recently - apologies for that. So far so good with the other drug so I'll tackle the emails very soon.
As yet I'm not suffering from any side-effects. I had mild nausea yesterday but that went after I'd eaten. I am very tired but whether that's the drugs or the continuation of a constant theme is hard to know. Most importantly I didn't suffer from any allergic reaction, which I have to say had me worried, especially the anaphylactic shock part. The steroids I had to take actually ensure that the most severe effects are kept to a miminum but I had no symptom at all. Fatigue, hair loss (what hair?) and painful joints and muscles are likely to be the worst problems this time round but since I already tick two of these boxes I'm not particularly worried. Incidentally I don't know if I've mentioned this on here yet but I look a bit like Litvinenko. When that picture of him lying in hospital was first released I thought 'Oh, um, no, you're imagining things', especially as I don't look like him when we both look healthy. But then I let it slip in a couple of conversations with people who see me regularly and they went 'Yes, that's what I was thinking, too'. Some people know how to make you feel good about yourself. Having said that, considering that the side-effects up until now have included: nausea, fatigue, heartburn, sore and bleeding gums, mouth ulcers, sore and watery eyes, collapsing veins, hair loss, effect on bone marrow (leading in low blood count and shortness of breath) and menopausal symptoms, most of which have kept me awake at night, I can hardly expect to be a picture of health.
The chemo day unit has moved to the tenth floor (from the third) and is a more pleasant area, though not ideal by any means. The waiting room is minute, and compared to some, I look positively healthy. Especially at this time of the year, with all the bugs doing the rounds. However, I'm starting to 'make friends' with those people I see regularly and it's actually nice being able to share our experiences and little pieces of advice with one another. As I've already said I can't complain because the level of support I have got has been second to none, and I can't thank people enough. However, sharing with people who know exactly what you are going through offers additional strength and the ability to be completely open. Anyway, I managed to get a nice cosy place, as far as it goes in such a place, in a corner yesterday and proceeded to watch The Incredibles on my portable media player. It did help settle my nerves as I really don't enjoy that place. Another piece of good news is that there will be a separate room for those receiving Herceptin. Herceptin is not a chemo drug per se, as it doesn't destroy healthy cells. Instead, it targets the cancer cells and also attracts the body's immune cells to help destroy the cancer cells. This means that the side-effects are virtually non-existent. Since I'll be on Herceptin for a whole year, receiving it every three weeks, I'd rather be in a room where people don't look like they're on the verge of collapsing - very selfish I know but a lot kinder on my nerves.
I'd better be off for the time being. I hope you're all well and got your Christmas cards and shopping under control - I haven't of course, nothing new there.
As yet I'm not suffering from any side-effects. I had mild nausea yesterday but that went after I'd eaten. I am very tired but whether that's the drugs or the continuation of a constant theme is hard to know. Most importantly I didn't suffer from any allergic reaction, which I have to say had me worried, especially the anaphylactic shock part. The steroids I had to take actually ensure that the most severe effects are kept to a miminum but I had no symptom at all. Fatigue, hair loss (what hair?) and painful joints and muscles are likely to be the worst problems this time round but since I already tick two of these boxes I'm not particularly worried. Incidentally I don't know if I've mentioned this on here yet but I look a bit like Litvinenko. When that picture of him lying in hospital was first released I thought 'Oh, um, no, you're imagining things', especially as I don't look like him when we both look healthy. But then I let it slip in a couple of conversations with people who see me regularly and they went 'Yes, that's what I was thinking, too'. Some people know how to make you feel good about yourself. Having said that, considering that the side-effects up until now have included: nausea, fatigue, heartburn, sore and bleeding gums, mouth ulcers, sore and watery eyes, collapsing veins, hair loss, effect on bone marrow (leading in low blood count and shortness of breath) and menopausal symptoms, most of which have kept me awake at night, I can hardly expect to be a picture of health.
The chemo day unit has moved to the tenth floor (from the third) and is a more pleasant area, though not ideal by any means. The waiting room is minute, and compared to some, I look positively healthy. Especially at this time of the year, with all the bugs doing the rounds. However, I'm starting to 'make friends' with those people I see regularly and it's actually nice being able to share our experiences and little pieces of advice with one another. As I've already said I can't complain because the level of support I have got has been second to none, and I can't thank people enough. However, sharing with people who know exactly what you are going through offers additional strength and the ability to be completely open. Anyway, I managed to get a nice cosy place, as far as it goes in such a place, in a corner yesterday and proceeded to watch The Incredibles on my portable media player. It did help settle my nerves as I really don't enjoy that place. Another piece of good news is that there will be a separate room for those receiving Herceptin. Herceptin is not a chemo drug per se, as it doesn't destroy healthy cells. Instead, it targets the cancer cells and also attracts the body's immune cells to help destroy the cancer cells. This means that the side-effects are virtually non-existent. Since I'll be on Herceptin for a whole year, receiving it every three weeks, I'd rather be in a room where people don't look like they're on the verge of collapsing - very selfish I know but a lot kinder on my nerves.
I'd better be off for the time being. I hope you're all well and got your Christmas cards and shopping under control - I haven't of course, nothing new there.
06 December 2006
The results are in
I went to see my oncologist this morning and the news is good. Volume-wise, it appears that Vicky has shrunk by just under 62%. I'm not too sure about this figure as measurements from the first MRI scan were two-dimensional, whereas measurements from last week's scan were three-dimensional. So we had to estimate the initial third dimension. 62% may well be a conservative estimate but I'll take it and won't complain. I'm just hoping we got it right, 62% sounds too good to be true, even if the oncologist wasn't that surprised.
Bad news as far as this stupid blood count goes as it's half what it should be. And this has really annoyed me because it'll mean a long day on Monday, should the blood count have recovered by then. I have got my steroids to take on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to try and minimise any potential allergic reaction to the next drug (Taxotere, also known as Docetaxel). The change of drugs half-way through treatment appears to make it more effective but no one could explain why. Just one of those things. I also have six "granocyte reconstitution" liquid thingybobs and syringes for injection, which is supposed to boost my blood count as Taxotere actually has a worse impact on blood count than the drugs I've been on so far - hurrah.
I got back home and received a phone call from a chemo nurse telling me that the blood test revealed an abnormality - my potassium level is too high - and I needed an urgent blood test. The nurse asked if I could back to hospital but I said I was too tired. So she told me to go to my surgery and get it done there. So I went to my surgery and was told by a rather, um, inflexible receptionist that I could only get a blood test in the morning. At which point I could've just burst into tears. Back home I went, phoned the chemo nurse again and she really insisted that I get that blood test done today. At this point I did burst into tears. So, rather embarrassingly, my Mum took charge of things. A nurse from the surgery came to our house, got the blood and took it back to the surgery, where a courier was waiting to take the blood to hospital. I know the NHS gets a lot of criticism for one reason or another but I simply can't fault them. Not only am I not paying one penny towards the cost of my treatment they have taken charge of everything - I simply turn up where I'm supposed to and that's it. Anyway, I am extremely grateful to my Mum for sorting this one out, and boy is that receptionist going to get a dirty look next time I see her.
So here I am. I am fairly exhausted but fine otherwise. The only minor problem now is bleeding and sore gums but I have a mouthwash which helps a bit.
A Benfica win tonight would make my day, mind, but I don't see it happening.
Bad news as far as this stupid blood count goes as it's half what it should be. And this has really annoyed me because it'll mean a long day on Monday, should the blood count have recovered by then. I have got my steroids to take on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to try and minimise any potential allergic reaction to the next drug (Taxotere, also known as Docetaxel). The change of drugs half-way through treatment appears to make it more effective but no one could explain why. Just one of those things. I also have six "granocyte reconstitution" liquid thingybobs and syringes for injection, which is supposed to boost my blood count as Taxotere actually has a worse impact on blood count than the drugs I've been on so far - hurrah.
I got back home and received a phone call from a chemo nurse telling me that the blood test revealed an abnormality - my potassium level is too high - and I needed an urgent blood test. The nurse asked if I could back to hospital but I said I was too tired. So she told me to go to my surgery and get it done there. So I went to my surgery and was told by a rather, um, inflexible receptionist that I could only get a blood test in the morning. At which point I could've just burst into tears. Back home I went, phoned the chemo nurse again and she really insisted that I get that blood test done today. At this point I did burst into tears. So, rather embarrassingly, my Mum took charge of things. A nurse from the surgery came to our house, got the blood and took it back to the surgery, where a courier was waiting to take the blood to hospital. I know the NHS gets a lot of criticism for one reason or another but I simply can't fault them. Not only am I not paying one penny towards the cost of my treatment they have taken charge of everything - I simply turn up where I'm supposed to and that's it. Anyway, I am extremely grateful to my Mum for sorting this one out, and boy is that receptionist going to get a dirty look next time I see her.
So here I am. I am fairly exhausted but fine otherwise. The only minor problem now is bleeding and sore gums but I have a mouthwash which helps a bit.
A Benfica win tonight would make my day, mind, but I don't see it happening.
29 November 2006
Welcome to the world, Theo
It has happened - Fiona has given birth to Theo, who made his appearance yesterday at 3.30pm. Both are doing well I'm told and will be going home at some point today. Congratulations to Fiona and Patrick - so so happy for them. Justin is very pleased to have a little brother - it's just what he wanted, apparently.
I had my MRI scan this morning. It was a bit too early and I struggled getting home. Thankfully, in the absence of my Mum who's up in Lymm, Finn managed to get some time off work and accompanied me. I don't think I would've made it otherwise - it would have been too much of an effort. Anyway the scan itself wasn't too bad and I'm glad it's over. I'll know exactly what's happening to Vicky next week when I see my oncologist.
Nothing much to report otherwise. I'm slowly starting to feel human again - it'll be nice to be able to enjoy things a bit more again.
I had my MRI scan this morning. It was a bit too early and I struggled getting home. Thankfully, in the absence of my Mum who's up in Lymm, Finn managed to get some time off work and accompanied me. I don't think I would've made it otherwise - it would have been too much of an effort. Anyway the scan itself wasn't too bad and I'm glad it's over. I'll know exactly what's happening to Vicky next week when I see my oncologist.
Nothing much to report otherwise. I'm slowly starting to feel human again - it'll be nice to be able to enjoy things a bit more again.
22 November 2006
AC chemo - done and dusted
Final dose of the nasties was administered on Monday though there was some doubt. I got a phone call from a chemo nurse on Monday morning letting me know that my blood count was again low and I needed another blood test to see whether I'd get the go-ahead. Which I did, in the end. I need to do something about this problem though, if it's possible. A low blood count means that not only do I have to go in early to get another test done it also means that my drugs are not pre-prepared, which means I end up spending a lot of time in hospital waiting. For example, I was supposed to get chemo at 2.30pm on Monday. Because of the additional blood test I had to be in at 12.30pm. When that came back ok, I had to wait for the drugs to be prepared and I had to wait until 4.15 to finally get treatment. So if anyone has any suggestions as to how to boost my blood count or improve my immune system, please let me know.
The side-effects are not too bad. Nausea started almost immediately but hasn't been too bad since. Fatigue remains the main problem and my mouth is now starting to hurt, so I'm moving onto the next phase. I think fatigue has been aggravated by my cold, which has in turn triggered asthma problems - which I never have without a cold - and led to lack of sleep. But things are improving there.
Seems like I'm off on one so here are some good news. I was able to go out on my birthday last weekend and enjoyed to more-than-decent weather we had in London. I only went for a short walk to Battersea Park but I thouroughly enjoyed it. And here are a few photos to prove it.
The side-effects are not too bad. Nausea started almost immediately but hasn't been too bad since. Fatigue remains the main problem and my mouth is now starting to hurt, so I'm moving onto the next phase. I think fatigue has been aggravated by my cold, which has in turn triggered asthma problems - which I never have without a cold - and led to lack of sleep. But things are improving there.
Seems like I'm off on one so here are some good news. I was able to go out on my birthday last weekend and enjoyed to more-than-decent weather we had in London. I only went for a short walk to Battersea Park but I thouroughly enjoyed it. And here are a few photos to prove it.
My sister Laura and her boyfriend Brad are up from Cornwall to attend a birthday party and have brought me a funky hat. I'm debating whether to put up photos of me with all my hats but I thought I'd spare you - I don't like having my photo taken at best of times so you can guess how bad it is right now. My sister Fiona has still not given birth, which I think it's rather rude as they haven't told us if it's a boy or a girl and I'm getting a tad impatient now.
And so it is - I've got a bit of a routine going on but overall things could be a lot worse.
17 November 2006
Wisdom teeth, colds and other matters
After enjoying last weekend I can't say this week's been too good. I've got a wisdom tooth coming through, which is not thankfully as painful as it was at one point. Then I got a cold and although it's not a nasty one it's keeping me awake at night. And I finally had to go to the doctor's because of horrendous heartburn, which turns out to be caused by the chemo. So all in all I've had better times. But on the good side I've managed to get birthday cards and pressies on time - somewhat of a first for those who know me. Anyway I'm aware that I still owe emails and they are on their way - it's a promise.
I had my appointment with an oncologist on Wednesday with not much to report. He did (roughly) measure the lump and again suggested a reduction in size but we won't know for sure until the MRI scan, which will take place on 29 November. I have started to put on weight. I suspect this was to be expected as I'm eating reasonably well but not exactly moving much. I'm not exactly making an effort to prevent this as the next lot of chemo drugs will require steroids as 25% of people suffer from anaphylactic shock when taking them, and steroids usually cause substantial weight gain. I suspect it's retribution for calling the lump Vicky Pollard - I'm slowly starting to look like Matt Lucas.
Enjoy your weekends and behave.
I had my appointment with an oncologist on Wednesday with not much to report. He did (roughly) measure the lump and again suggested a reduction in size but we won't know for sure until the MRI scan, which will take place on 29 November. I have started to put on weight. I suspect this was to be expected as I'm eating reasonably well but not exactly moving much. I'm not exactly making an effort to prevent this as the next lot of chemo drugs will require steroids as 25% of people suffer from anaphylactic shock when taking them, and steroids usually cause substantial weight gain. I suspect it's retribution for calling the lump Vicky Pollard - I'm slowly starting to look like Matt Lucas.
Enjoy your weekends and behave.
12 November 2006
Richmond Park
As some of you may know my father came over from Switzerland to see me this weekend. As I was feeling up to it we went to the Isabella Plantation in Richmond Park. I'd only been there once and thought it would be a good idea to go back since autumn colours are looking rather good at the moment. I thoroughly enjoyed it even if I did overdo it and got some nice piccies. I feel much better for it. Here are three pics - I've added a few more of MyFotothing if you want to have a look.
I also got a new hat and some crisps and of course chocoloate so a big thank you to my Dad.
I also have heating in my room - the valves had stuck themselves in an off position and were only changed on Thursday. It has made a huge difference - my metabolism simply wasn't coping with the cold. My body kept on going from freezing to overheating, and needless to say I feel much better for being kept at an average temperature.
That's it for the time being I think. Hope you're all enjoying your weekend.
08 November 2006
Back in the land of the living
Just about... It seems to take about nine days for me to start feeling half-human again, and it's good to be back. Mouth ulcers and bleeding gums are keeping me company but I can cope with that.
I can't say I've been up to much - believe it or not. I did attempt a trip to the shops yesterday as I was getting a bit desperate. I'm very lucky in that I have a few people who help me with everything and make my life a lot easier. But it's difficult not being able to do things for yourself - simple things such as walking around the shops, seeing food you fancy and buying it. Anyway I took myself off to M&S yesterday and bought a few things. It was too soon to do it - I got home feeling very sick and tired. But I got some nice food and some fresh air - and it did me some good.
Other than that I've had guests over, one of which decided that we should play 'Let's play wigs'. So I finally got my comb-over and a few other interesting styles. It's nice to know I'm not completely useless even when feeling rubbish.
I know I owe a few emails again, and I shall start writing them soon. Hope you're all well.
I can't say I've been up to much - believe it or not. I did attempt a trip to the shops yesterday as I was getting a bit desperate. I'm very lucky in that I have a few people who help me with everything and make my life a lot easier. But it's difficult not being able to do things for yourself - simple things such as walking around the shops, seeing food you fancy and buying it. Anyway I took myself off to M&S yesterday and bought a few things. It was too soon to do it - I got home feeling very sick and tired. But I got some nice food and some fresh air - and it did me some good.
Other than that I've had guests over, one of which decided that we should play 'Let's play wigs'. So I finally got my comb-over and a few other interesting styles. It's nice to know I'm not completely useless even when feeling rubbish.
I know I owe a few emails again, and I shall start writing them soon. Hope you're all well.
30 October 2006
Done
All chemoed with another strategy to keep the nausea under control. I had to beg to be let home - they usually end the session with a saline solution to flush the drugs through the system but I promised to drink lots of water when I got home, so here I am, earlier than planned.
I also managed to get my next session on 20 November - they had scheduled it for 17 November but I asked this to be changed. Which means I'll be able to celebrate my birthday - it's not every day you turn 25 after all.
Til next time.
I also managed to get my next session on 20 November - they had scheduled it for 17 November but I asked this to be changed. Which means I'll be able to celebrate my birthday - it's not every day you turn 25 after all.
Til next time.
27 October 2006
*long sigh of despair*
I'm back home not having received chemo. I'm not allowed to use bad language or I'll risk a slap from my Mum - do children EVER grow up in the eyes of their parents? Anyway it turns out that whoever took care of my appointment card got it wrong - I'm booked in on Monday. I just hope that whoever made that mistake is not one of the nurses administering chemo because if they can't get a simple date right I don't want them giving me powerful drugs. I am a bit annoyed because it takes quite a lot out of me just getting to hospital and back, and although I don't have better things to do really I don't want to waste my time this way.
Still, I'll live no doubt. Enjoy your weekends.
Oops, I forgot - thanks all for your messages of encouragement. They really are appreciated.
Kelly, I look forward to seeing pics of Jac and Elle - I think I've only seen a couple of photos of them, it'd be great to see how much they've changed. Thanks for that. If you'd like my address drop me an email at bioluminescence@hotmail.co.uk.
And if anyone else has pictures they'd like to share, feel free - Sheryl has already taken me to Canada (fantastic photos) and I wouldn't mind being transported to other places.
Still, I'll live no doubt. Enjoy your weekends.
Oops, I forgot - thanks all for your messages of encouragement. They really are appreciated.
Kelly, I look forward to seeing pics of Jac and Elle - I think I've only seen a couple of photos of them, it'd be great to see how much they've changed. Thanks for that. If you'd like my address drop me an email at bioluminescence@hotmail.co.uk.
And if anyone else has pictures they'd like to share, feel free - Sheryl has already taken me to Canada (fantastic photos) and I wouldn't mind being transported to other places.
25 October 2006
Blood count behaving
I've just got back from hospital - would you like the good news or the good news? First the MRI scan I had a few weeks ago revealed that the lymph nodes were clear - I had been told this was the case but I thought it was down to guess work and the breast scan. This doesn't mean that they are 100% sure about it but it's still better than guess work. Furthermore my blood count is just about above the threshold needed for treatment and because it's very unlikely it'll drop it's more or less certain I'll be getting treatment on Friday. But best of all it seems like Vicky's losing weight. Now again they can't be completely sure, especially as I've seen three different oncologists in my last three appointments - I'd rather there was a bit more continuity but there you go. I had the impression the tumour had shrunk but you never know whether your mind is playing tricks and wishful thinking's clouding your judgement. But the consultant said it was not easy to locate because it is now quite deep, and although he didn't measure it he was quite sure it was shrinking. Again there's a need to be cautious - we won't know for sure until I've had another MRI scan after the fourth cycle. This came as a bit of a shock as I thought I'd be getting a straightforward breast scan but no, I'll be stuck in that flipping tube again for around thirty minutes. Still, this was overall a good session for me and psychologically it makes the prospect of chemo less daunting. So I'm quite upbeat right now.
My cat Le Bij is having compassionate hair loss - yes, the more cynical amongst you might claim that cats tend to moult at this time of year but this is clearly nonsense. For some odd reason, though, he's looking mightily fluffy right now.
I'm adding another Photoshop creation - just cos I can. I'm getting a bit carried away with Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop at the moment so let's hope I don't get bored with them.
I bow out wishing you well.
My cat Le Bij is having compassionate hair loss - yes, the more cynical amongst you might claim that cats tend to moult at this time of year but this is clearly nonsense. For some odd reason, though, he's looking mightily fluffy right now.
I'm adding another Photoshop creation - just cos I can. I'm getting a bit carried away with Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop at the moment so let's hope I don't get bored with them.
I bow out wishing you well.
23 October 2006
Stand up, if you hate Man U...
Hope you're all standing up.
Enjoyable weekend here - if you ignore footie results. Michael paid me a visit, which helped put things into perspective - I could be a Newcastle supporter after all. Great to see you again, hopefully next time I'll see you will be when I'm up in Berwick.
I've been trying to keep myself busy. Part of this - actually most of this - has involved me trying to get to grips with Photoshop and Flash. And I proudly present two of my (rather pathetic) efforts here. I knew you could do a lot in Photoshop but I hadn't realised just how much you could do. Anyway, one pic went from this
Enjoyable weekend here - if you ignore footie results. Michael paid me a visit, which helped put things into perspective - I could be a Newcastle supporter after all. Great to see you again, hopefully next time I'll see you will be when I'm up in Berwick.
I've been trying to keep myself busy. Part of this - actually most of this - has involved me trying to get to grips with Photoshop and Flash. And I proudly present two of my (rather pathetic) efforts here. I knew you could do a lot in Photoshop but I hadn't realised just how much you could do. Anyway, one pic went from this
to
As for my first animation I've put it up on YouTube but the quality's quite poor. And before you ask: yes, I am still bored.
Other than that I haven't been up to much. It's chemo week again which means I have to go into hospital on Wednesday to see my oncologist and if all goes according to plan I'll be getting treatment on Friday. I've only got two more cycles with these drugs, then I'll be moving on to another drug for four more cycles. I'm hoping this other drug won't be as bad in terms of side-effects.
Hope you all enjoyed your weekend. And that Grandma's arrived in Lymm safely...
18 October 2006
Better mood
Ah, it's such a relief to feel better. It seems there's a pattern following chemo:
Still I'm able to do more, which means I'm not as bored as I was. And I feel almost human for it. Being bald apparently suits me, so much so that I've been told I could probably get a part in Alien. This simply filled me with joy and a sense of wellbeing. I appear to have developed a silent version of Tourette's Syndrome though - I don't think I've ever sworn as much (in my head, thankfully) as I do now when I've been out. Anything or anyone that/who very midly irritates me gets insulted. And the worst thing is that it feels so good.
I've been trying to work out how I got breast cancer - which is an exercise in futility if ever there was one because of unknowns and the large number of factors that can contribute to it. Still, I've got nothing better to do and I'm thinking about minimising the risk in the future. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not obese, I'm a vegetarian who eats little dairy, I eat healthily and I exercise moderately (though this could be improved). Interestingly, my Jewish genes could play a part. Because Jews have tended not to mix with other ethnic groups they are far more at risk from genetic diseases than other groups, to the point where there is a centre in the United States that looks specifically at genetic diseases in the Jewish population. There are two known breast cancer genes - well three actually, a new one has just been identified. Mutations in the genes BRCA1 and BRCA2 are responsible for 8 and 21% respectively of breast cancer cases in people of Ashkenazi Jewish descent. Anyway because genetically speaking I'm only 25% Jewish I'm really not sure whether I'm at an increased risk. My consultant was going to check whether I could be recommended for genetic testing. I'd be quite interested to know, to be honest.
And so is my life at the moment. Hope you're all enjoying yours.
- Nausea/fatigue - bad symptoms last 8-10 days. The nausea slowly dies off but fatigue remains a problem. A short shower will wipe me out.
- Coated tongue/bad taste/sore mouth and throat - thankfully it only lasts for a few days. The bad taste in particular is very unpleasant - some describe it as metallic but I've never tasted metal so I wouldn't know - so that they recommend that you don't eat your favourite food to prevent you going off it.
- Mouth ulcers/sore and bleeding gums - ouch. I'm struggling with this at the moment.
Still I'm able to do more, which means I'm not as bored as I was. And I feel almost human for it. Being bald apparently suits me, so much so that I've been told I could probably get a part in Alien. This simply filled me with joy and a sense of wellbeing. I appear to have developed a silent version of Tourette's Syndrome though - I don't think I've ever sworn as much (in my head, thankfully) as I do now when I've been out. Anything or anyone that/who very midly irritates me gets insulted. And the worst thing is that it feels so good.
I've been trying to work out how I got breast cancer - which is an exercise in futility if ever there was one because of unknowns and the large number of factors that can contribute to it. Still, I've got nothing better to do and I'm thinking about minimising the risk in the future. I don't smoke, I don't drink, I'm not obese, I'm a vegetarian who eats little dairy, I eat healthily and I exercise moderately (though this could be improved). Interestingly, my Jewish genes could play a part. Because Jews have tended not to mix with other ethnic groups they are far more at risk from genetic diseases than other groups, to the point where there is a centre in the United States that looks specifically at genetic diseases in the Jewish population. There are two known breast cancer genes - well three actually, a new one has just been identified. Mutations in the genes BRCA1 and BRCA2 are responsible for 8 and 21% respectively of breast cancer cases in people of Ashkenazi Jewish descent. Anyway because genetically speaking I'm only 25% Jewish I'm really not sure whether I'm at an increased risk. My consultant was going to check whether I could be recommended for genetic testing. I'd be quite interested to know, to be honest.
And so is my life at the moment. Hope you're all enjoying yours.
13 October 2006
Foul mood
I think it's safe to say I hate chemo with a passion. Nausea hasn't been a huge problem - it has come and gone in waves but I've managed to eat more healthily this time. Fatigue, on the other hand, has been a huge problem. The problem is that I've not been able to do much and, as a result, I've never been so bored in my whole life. I've not been able to read or sit up for long periods, which means I've been stuck in bed watching TV, resting or sleeping. Wahey. It's safe to say I've never been in such a foul mood either and I apologise to all those who have had the misfortune to be in touch. I think things are slowly improving. The main problem now is bad taste and a sore mouth. Everything tastes like grapefruit seed extract, and the taste is more or less 24/7. I've yet to find anything to relieve this problem but from the little research I've done nothing much can be done.
Um, I guess I'm a bit of a miserable old bat these days. I'm hoping things improve quite quickly from now on and I can go and enjoy some of this nice weather. I've at least reorganised my room so that I can now use my laptop and internet connection whilst lying in bed. I plan on teaching myself Dreamweaver and Flash, I just need to find a good book. Ideally I'd rather paint but oil painting is a tad too messy.
I know emails are due, again. Thanks all for getting in touch, it's always nice to hear what's going on in people's lives. Enjoy your weekend.
Um, I guess I'm a bit of a miserable old bat these days. I'm hoping things improve quite quickly from now on and I can go and enjoy some of this nice weather. I've at least reorganised my room so that I can now use my laptop and internet connection whilst lying in bed. I plan on teaching myself Dreamweaver and Flash, I just need to find a good book. Ideally I'd rather paint but oil painting is a tad too messy.
I know emails are due, again. Thanks all for getting in touch, it's always nice to hear what's going on in people's lives. Enjoy your weekend.
06 October 2006
Success
Well I got it - it took a long time but I received treatment today. I left at 12.30 and got back at around 7, and I'm exhausted. Thank you for sending good vibes, praying, distant healing and suggesting visualisation techniques - something worked so you can all take the credit. Of course you are aware that it means I'll be blaming you as soon as the side effects kick in.
Good news is that after fussing when I saw my oncologist I've got more anti-sickness tablets so hopefully things won't be as bad this time round. One in particular is supposed to be very good but is not prescribed much because of its price. I got one of those tablets last time, I've got a six-day supply this time.
Enjoy your weekend and I'll update as soon as I feel better. Thanks again.
Good news is that after fussing when I saw my oncologist I've got more anti-sickness tablets so hopefully things won't be as bad this time round. One in particular is supposed to be very good but is not prescribed much because of its price. I got one of those tablets last time, I've got a six-day supply this time.
Enjoy your weekend and I'll update as soon as I feel better. Thanks again.
05 October 2006
Low blood count, still
I had an appointment to see my oncologist yesterday. Generally, I'll have to see someone a couple of days before my next chemo session in order to have a blood test done to see if my body could cope with the next lot. It's also a way to keep an eye on my health generally and provide some support/advice. So I had another blood test which showed that my blood count is actually lower than last week, which I am told can happen in some patients. What this means is that unless it somehow recovers by tomorrow I won't be getting chemo. They'll delay treatment until the beginning of next week, and if things really don't improve, I'll get an injection to boost my blood count. Ideally I don't want any delays but like just about everything else I don't have much of a say. Anyway I was advised to rest and avoid stress, the latter being quite difficult when all you can do is watch daytime TV.
I am now bald. My hair started falling out quite heavily on Tuesday evening so I went to my Mum's hairdresser's - she had an appointment yesterday evening - to have it shaved off. It's a relief to be honest - my scalp was quite painful and this has taken the pressure off it. I'm absolutely fine about it. I know it's an issue that upsets quite a lot of women but it will grow back. However it does make the illness very real because once the chemo side effects have disappeared you don't feel ill at all. I'm still debating whether to get a wig as I feel quite comfortable with head scarves and hats, but at the same time I'd quite like to get a "funky" wig. I'll think about it a bit more but it isn't a priority by any stretch of the imagination.
I had a trip to the Science Museum on Tuesday, which I quite enjoyed. I did get tired very quickly so wasn't able to do much - I had to stop and sit down, and realised I'd done so in the Mathematics section. Scary. It was my first trip there but I'll definitely be going back. I'll just have to remember to plan my journey so I get to see those sections whose subjects I actually understand.
Positive vibes so that I get my chemo tomorrow more than welcome.
I am now bald. My hair started falling out quite heavily on Tuesday evening so I went to my Mum's hairdresser's - she had an appointment yesterday evening - to have it shaved off. It's a relief to be honest - my scalp was quite painful and this has taken the pressure off it. I'm absolutely fine about it. I know it's an issue that upsets quite a lot of women but it will grow back. However it does make the illness very real because once the chemo side effects have disappeared you don't feel ill at all. I'm still debating whether to get a wig as I feel quite comfortable with head scarves and hats, but at the same time I'd quite like to get a "funky" wig. I'll think about it a bit more but it isn't a priority by any stretch of the imagination.
I had a trip to the Science Museum on Tuesday, which I quite enjoyed. I did get tired very quickly so wasn't able to do much - I had to stop and sit down, and realised I'd done so in the Mathematics section. Scary. It was my first trip there but I'll definitely be going back. I'll just have to remember to plan my journey so I get to see those sections whose subjects I actually understand.
Positive vibes so that I get my chemo tomorrow more than welcome.
01 October 2006
Breast Cancer Awareness Month
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, which is a worldwide event aiming to not only raise awareness but also much needed funds, as well as to provide information to patients. It was launched in 1993 by Evelyn Lauder - Estee Lauder's daughter-in-law. Evelyn has raised millions of dollars for the cause - last year alone she raised $25 million - and she has now written Great Taste, a book of recipes which reflect the hypothesised link between breast cancer and diet. All proceeds will go to support the Breast Cancer Research Foundation which was set up by Evelyn in 1993 to raise funds for clinical research and which supports more than 110 scientists across the world.
In the UK pink products should be available from big guns such Asda and Boots, as well as QVC, Dorothy Perkins, Swarovski and Interflora. If you order flowers from the Interflora website (using this link) Interflora will donate 10% for all purchases made by visitors from the Breast Cancer Care website. Look out for wristbands and pin badges, or look on the Lavender Trust website for more products. The Lavender Trust is especially aimed at younger women with breast cancer, as issues such as loss of fertility are more likely to affect us. I'm not aware of what's happening in other countries, please let me know and I'll add details on here.
I'm having a fairly relaxing weekend. My hair's started to fall out, but we're only talking strands here and it's not yet visible. My eyebrows also appear affected - no more tweezers for me hopefully. I've already ordered some head scarves online, and I might pop out to get one in case my hair starts falling out at an alarming rate (which is likely to happen).
I have to admit I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. I went round to the shops yesterday and just wanted to get back to the safety of my room as quickly as possible. I'm not quite sure what all this is about, maybe the magnitude of what I'm facing has finally hit home. Although I have some control, such as making sure I eat the right food, everything is pretty much out of my control. I'm having to rely on a variety of people who tell me what kind of treatment I'm to have. I see these people once every three weeks and in between I'm left wondering what's happening to Vicky, if the treatment is having an effect, what the slight pain I have means, etc. I guess all I can do is keep on taking care of myself and remember that I am in good hands and getting great support from everyone. And remember that things could be worse - I could be Paris Hilton. Is there anything she can do that cannot be done by a block of polystyrene? Surely the first black hole to be found on Earth.
Mum's back from her retreat with an "action plan". This immediately conjured an image of the Army, with Mum as the colonel organising everything in minute details. She's rested and had a great time I believe. Let's hope I don't wear her down too quickly with my incessant rants following Liverpool games.
In the UK pink products should be available from big guns such Asda and Boots, as well as QVC, Dorothy Perkins, Swarovski and Interflora. If you order flowers from the Interflora website (using this link) Interflora will donate 10% for all purchases made by visitors from the Breast Cancer Care website. Look out for wristbands and pin badges, or look on the Lavender Trust website for more products. The Lavender Trust is especially aimed at younger women with breast cancer, as issues such as loss of fertility are more likely to affect us. I'm not aware of what's happening in other countries, please let me know and I'll add details on here.
I'm having a fairly relaxing weekend. My hair's started to fall out, but we're only talking strands here and it's not yet visible. My eyebrows also appear affected - no more tweezers for me hopefully. I've already ordered some head scarves online, and I might pop out to get one in case my hair starts falling out at an alarming rate (which is likely to happen).
I have to admit I'm feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. I went round to the shops yesterday and just wanted to get back to the safety of my room as quickly as possible. I'm not quite sure what all this is about, maybe the magnitude of what I'm facing has finally hit home. Although I have some control, such as making sure I eat the right food, everything is pretty much out of my control. I'm having to rely on a variety of people who tell me what kind of treatment I'm to have. I see these people once every three weeks and in between I'm left wondering what's happening to Vicky, if the treatment is having an effect, what the slight pain I have means, etc. I guess all I can do is keep on taking care of myself and remember that I am in good hands and getting great support from everyone. And remember that things could be worse - I could be Paris Hilton. Is there anything she can do that cannot be done by a block of polystyrene? Surely the first black hole to be found on Earth.
Mum's back from her retreat with an "action plan". This immediately conjured an image of the Army, with Mum as the colonel organising everything in minute details. She's rested and had a great time I believe. Let's hope I don't wear her down too quickly with my incessant rants following Liverpool games.
29 September 2006
Glorious food
Good news at last - I believe the worst is now definitely over and I've been able to eat some rather delicious food. And I feel better for it. I still have slight nausea but nothing comparable to last week. So I'm a relatively happy bunny.
I had to go for a blood test on Wednesday. I was a bit worried because it meant traveling across London to get to Guy's, on a busy train, and having to wait in a large waiting room full of sick people. It wasn't too bad in the end though I can't say I enjoyed it. But it was my first outing since I had chemo and it did me some good to be out and about. Unfortunately I got a phone call from a chemo nurse yesterday to tell me that my blood count is very low and that I am therefore very susceptible to infections. Should I get a temperature of 38C I need to be admitted into hospital to get antibiotics. I'm also losing Finn today - her glands are up and she's not feeling too well, so as a precautionary measure she's going home. Mum's due back tomorrow so it's not a problem at all.
I have been feeling much better though, which has resulted in me doing research on how the chemo drugs work. And then I got a bit excited because it involves cellular and molecular mechanisms, and I find it all fascinating. So be warned - I'll be adding some nerdy bits in the future. My extra reading on the genetics of cancer and breast cancer in general has brought up a lot of questions, which I shall be putting to my oncologist when I see her next Wednesday. The poor thing let out a huge sigh of relief when we finished our last appointment because she thought my questions were tough ones.
Other than that my hair's fine now - I've worked out how to dry it without having it flop around. Mum really did a good job considering the fact that I was turning green before her eyes.
All in all it could be worse.
I had to go for a blood test on Wednesday. I was a bit worried because it meant traveling across London to get to Guy's, on a busy train, and having to wait in a large waiting room full of sick people. It wasn't too bad in the end though I can't say I enjoyed it. But it was my first outing since I had chemo and it did me some good to be out and about. Unfortunately I got a phone call from a chemo nurse yesterday to tell me that my blood count is very low and that I am therefore very susceptible to infections. Should I get a temperature of 38C I need to be admitted into hospital to get antibiotics. I'm also losing Finn today - her glands are up and she's not feeling too well, so as a precautionary measure she's going home. Mum's due back tomorrow so it's not a problem at all.
I have been feeling much better though, which has resulted in me doing research on how the chemo drugs work. And then I got a bit excited because it involves cellular and molecular mechanisms, and I find it all fascinating. So be warned - I'll be adding some nerdy bits in the future. My extra reading on the genetics of cancer and breast cancer in general has brought up a lot of questions, which I shall be putting to my oncologist when I see her next Wednesday. The poor thing let out a huge sigh of relief when we finished our last appointment because she thought my questions were tough ones.
Other than that my hair's fine now - I've worked out how to dry it without having it flop around. Mum really did a good job considering the fact that I was turning green before her eyes.
All in all it could be worse.
25 September 2006
New week, one week on
Well as much as I'd like to say that all is well, it hasn't quite turned out that way. I'm still feeling quite sick and the only way to really control this is to remain in bed and not move too much. I am, of course, having the time of my life. I ended up getting in a bit of a bad mood yesterday, which doesn't actually happen that much these days (unless I have PMS but that's a different matter altogether). Lack of sleep, constant nausea and sheer boredom all got to me in the end. I rested for a bit and felt better for it. I took some homeopathic remedy and that seemed to help.
I got Mum to cut my hair on Saturday. For some reason the thought of losing long hair disturbed me so I thought I'd better get it short again. I asked her to just do it roughly, as I was feeling queasy, and she duly obliged. With the result that I can't wait for my hair to fall out now as it's got a mind of its own and no matter what I do to it I look like Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral. I rest my case.
Mum's now gone away on a retreat in Northern Ireland, which will hopefully do her a world of good. Cottage and surroundings are beautiful and peaceful, I am told, let's hope she can make the most of it all. Finn is now staying over and taking very good care of me. She was delighted to see that I have a bell by my bed, should I require anything. She went out on Saturday and Sunday to get me some more anti-sickness tablets, the homeopathic remedy, some liver and digestion support, and some probiotics. As well as some chips from the Chinese shop, because that's what I fancied. I could get used to this though she might turn into a wreck quite rapidly. She's been saved by work today. However, Laura and Brad are here so I'm keeping them on their toes. For the first time in my life I can see the appeal of being a mother and getting the kids to do all the menial tasks. More seriously, I am very grateful to all of you. I know I couldn't cope without you.
I know I still owe emails but this might have to wait a wee bit longer. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend - Michael will have, Newcastle managed a draw - and that you are all well.
I got Mum to cut my hair on Saturday. For some reason the thought of losing long hair disturbed me so I thought I'd better get it short again. I asked her to just do it roughly, as I was feeling queasy, and she duly obliged. With the result that I can't wait for my hair to fall out now as it's got a mind of its own and no matter what I do to it I look like Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral. I rest my case.
Mum's now gone away on a retreat in Northern Ireland, which will hopefully do her a world of good. Cottage and surroundings are beautiful and peaceful, I am told, let's hope she can make the most of it all. Finn is now staying over and taking very good care of me. She was delighted to see that I have a bell by my bed, should I require anything. She went out on Saturday and Sunday to get me some more anti-sickness tablets, the homeopathic remedy, some liver and digestion support, and some probiotics. As well as some chips from the Chinese shop, because that's what I fancied. I could get used to this though she might turn into a wreck quite rapidly. She's been saved by work today. However, Laura and Brad are here so I'm keeping them on their toes. For the first time in my life I can see the appeal of being a mother and getting the kids to do all the menial tasks. More seriously, I am very grateful to all of you. I know I couldn't cope without you.
I know I still owe emails but this might have to wait a wee bit longer. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend - Michael will have, Newcastle managed a draw - and that you are all well.
20 September 2006
Not impressed - but worst over (hopefully)
Well, I'm starting to feel better - and not one moment too soon. The nausea really started subsiding this afternoon but I'm feeling exhausted through lack of sleep. Still, I decided I was going to fight wretched Vicky with my head held up high and this I am doing - mainly because looking down does make me feel slightly queasy.
Another problem is loss of appetite - I've lost 1 kg. I'm simply not hungry, even when the nausea's not at its worst. Still, whereas I only had two slices of bread and six breadsticks yesterday I've managed to have some grapes and watermelon today. With no repercussions as far as I can tell. I'm also struggling with drinking water, which isn't good news as I need to flush the toxins out of my body and avoid a bladder infection. This said, my craving for grapes and watermelon, albeit minute, proves that your body knows what it needs - they are diuretics and have anti-cancer compounds. Generally the thought of food makes me feel quick ill but there are a few things I fancy and I'll be introducing these as soon as possible.
The good news is that I'll only be getting four cycles of the drugs that were given to me on Monday - next dates are 6 October, 27 October and 17 November (which of course means I'll be having a great birthday but good timing, Michael, as I should be fine when you're in London). This will of course depend on whether my treatments are regular. Another side effect of chemotherapy is that it reduces blood count, making you more susceptible to infections. If my blood count is too low they might choose to postpone the treatment for a bit. Once I move on to the other drug sickness is far less likely to be a problem, which is fine by me. There will be plenty of other side effects but hopefully it won't completely ruin my diet.
Mum is doing a great job of taking care of me. She's up and down the stairs to check whether I have everything I need, and happily pops out to the shops if I need things. And she's bought me a great hat today - my first hair loss hat. A big thank you to you, Mum.
Thanks for all the messages again. I'm too tired right now to reply to everything but I'll try and do that tomorrow. They are all appreciated.
Another problem is loss of appetite - I've lost 1 kg. I'm simply not hungry, even when the nausea's not at its worst. Still, whereas I only had two slices of bread and six breadsticks yesterday I've managed to have some grapes and watermelon today. With no repercussions as far as I can tell. I'm also struggling with drinking water, which isn't good news as I need to flush the toxins out of my body and avoid a bladder infection. This said, my craving for grapes and watermelon, albeit minute, proves that your body knows what it needs - they are diuretics and have anti-cancer compounds. Generally the thought of food makes me feel quick ill but there are a few things I fancy and I'll be introducing these as soon as possible.
The good news is that I'll only be getting four cycles of the drugs that were given to me on Monday - next dates are 6 October, 27 October and 17 November (which of course means I'll be having a great birthday but good timing, Michael, as I should be fine when you're in London). This will of course depend on whether my treatments are regular. Another side effect of chemotherapy is that it reduces blood count, making you more susceptible to infections. If my blood count is too low they might choose to postpone the treatment for a bit. Once I move on to the other drug sickness is far less likely to be a problem, which is fine by me. There will be plenty of other side effects but hopefully it won't completely ruin my diet.
Mum is doing a great job of taking care of me. She's up and down the stairs to check whether I have everything I need, and happily pops out to the shops if I need things. And she's bought me a great hat today - my first hair loss hat. A big thank you to you, Mum.
Thanks for all the messages again. I'm too tired right now to reply to everything but I'll try and do that tomorrow. They are all appreciated.
18 September 2006
It has begun
First of all, thanks to everyone for the emails, texts and messages - I am trying to keep up but not always managing due to one thing or the other. I really appreciate it all and I will reply to everyone in due time.
I've just had my first session of chemo and so far so good. The nausea is likely to kick in later so I've made sure to eat something before it starts. It was a fairly straightforward affair, although my veins were far from cooperative - I ended up having to stick my arms in warm water so that the nurse could find one that would do the job. First they gave me a mixture of anti-sickness medication before injecting the first drug. This turned out to be a bit tricky as I had a mild allergic reaction - you could see which way the drug was circulating as red and itchy skin surrounded the vein in question. It did clear after a while so nothing major. The second drug was then injected and nothing to report there. It didn't take that long but it did take longer than anticipated because of the allergic reaction. They also inject a saline solution at the end to flush through your system.
It is almost certain that I will be losing my hair. I don't have a huge problem with that but I expect I might get upset when it happens. Apparently it should start falling out two weeks after the first treatment and it will all be lost quite quickly. I'll probably look into getting a wig. I have to say the first time I thought of an NHS wig the image of a blonde Ann Widdecombe sprang to mind. Now I know she doesn't wear a wig but it looks wrong. But the wigs, from what I've seen, actually look quite good so I'm not ruling it out. I'm starting a collection of hats incidentally so if anyone sees anything nice please let me know. And yes, despite everything, a Liverpool hat is already on my list.
Oh, I'm also thinking of things to keep me busy while, or rather if, I'm feeling rough. So far I've got books, magazines, DVDs and computer games (which are absolutely fabulous to take your mind off things). Any suggestions?
Thanks again to everyone. Hope you're all well and behaving.
I've just had my first session of chemo and so far so good. The nausea is likely to kick in later so I've made sure to eat something before it starts. It was a fairly straightforward affair, although my veins were far from cooperative - I ended up having to stick my arms in warm water so that the nurse could find one that would do the job. First they gave me a mixture of anti-sickness medication before injecting the first drug. This turned out to be a bit tricky as I had a mild allergic reaction - you could see which way the drug was circulating as red and itchy skin surrounded the vein in question. It did clear after a while so nothing major. The second drug was then injected and nothing to report there. It didn't take that long but it did take longer than anticipated because of the allergic reaction. They also inject a saline solution at the end to flush through your system.
It is almost certain that I will be losing my hair. I don't have a huge problem with that but I expect I might get upset when it happens. Apparently it should start falling out two weeks after the first treatment and it will all be lost quite quickly. I'll probably look into getting a wig. I have to say the first time I thought of an NHS wig the image of a blonde Ann Widdecombe sprang to mind. Now I know she doesn't wear a wig but it looks wrong. But the wigs, from what I've seen, actually look quite good so I'm not ruling it out. I'm starting a collection of hats incidentally so if anyone sees anything nice please let me know. And yes, despite everything, a Liverpool hat is already on my list.
Oh, I'm also thinking of things to keep me busy while, or rather if, I'm feeling rough. So far I've got books, magazines, DVDs and computer games (which are absolutely fabulous to take your mind off things). Any suggestions?
Thanks again to everyone. Hope you're all well and behaving.
15 September 2006
Of juicers and other matters
My juicer arrived a couple of days ago and I'm ashamed to admit I got a bit excited by the prospect of using it. The rationale behind juicing is that you get all the vitamins and minerals in an easily digestible form, which is important when your body's being bombarded with nasty treatments. In terms of nutrition, it's difficult to do much better. So here I am with my juicer, and a juicing book - a recipe for disaster, some might think. And they would be almost right. I don't do novelty very well and I did get a tad stressed but I got there eventually. Not helped by the fact that the juicer had a hissy spit - I'll get my coat - and generously sprayed the surrounding appliances. Needless to say there was no gratitude for redecorating the kitchen, free of charge, with a wide range of amber tones. I really enjoyed my first juice - I had no idea what to expect and was therefore pleasantly surprised. I have found a couple of juices which are specifically good for breast cancers. I need to find a couple of recipes that might help with my blood count, as this is likely to drop considerably with chemotherapy and make me more susceptible to infections as a result. I got a couple of books out of the library today and might do some research online.
I haven't done much in the past few days. I did a bit more shopping but have been ordered not to buy anything else as the fridge has become a bit of a hazard, with things falling out whenever you open the door. I've also baked a couple of soda bread loaves and prepared some homemade humous. How exciting is that? I did go to the London Aquarium and had a very good time - there's something about marine life, I find it fascinating. I'm still thinking about going to Richmond Park over the weekend, especially as the weather is looking good.
I have to thank everyone for being so helpful and generous. Thank you for the flowers, the heather arrangement, the cards, the juicer, the financial support and the overall help. Team Anne-Marie's looking rather good - Vicky and her posse won't know what's hit them. My greengrocer also told me that if I ever needed anything I could just phone them and they'd deliver it. I also got some encouraging news from a person who had offered me some volunteering work before Vicky made her appearance. She said that I could do as much or as little work as I can, depending on how I react to treatment. And in the worst case scenario they'll wait for me to recover and see what needs to be done then. This means a lot to me - it gives me something else to focus on, something to look forward to.
Enjoy your weekend
I haven't done much in the past few days. I did a bit more shopping but have been ordered not to buy anything else as the fridge has become a bit of a hazard, with things falling out whenever you open the door. I've also baked a couple of soda bread loaves and prepared some homemade humous. How exciting is that? I did go to the London Aquarium and had a very good time - there's something about marine life, I find it fascinating. I'm still thinking about going to Richmond Park over the weekend, especially as the weather is looking good.
I have to thank everyone for being so helpful and generous. Thank you for the flowers, the heather arrangement, the cards, the juicer, the financial support and the overall help. Team Anne-Marie's looking rather good - Vicky and her posse won't know what's hit them. My greengrocer also told me that if I ever needed anything I could just phone them and they'd deliver it. I also got some encouraging news from a person who had offered me some volunteering work before Vicky made her appearance. She said that I could do as much or as little work as I can, depending on how I react to treatment. And in the worst case scenario they'll wait for me to recover and see what needs to be done then. This means a lot to me - it gives me something else to focus on, something to look forward to.
Enjoy your weekend
13 September 2006
And so it is
First of all I've changed the settings so that anyone can leave comments - apologies to those who had to create an account to leave a message.
I had my final appointment/scan today. The MRI scan was fairly straightforward, if not particularly enjoyable. I got some good and bad news regarding Vicky. I need to make it clear, though, that in terms of prognosis the bad news only has a very marginal negative outcome - it really doesn't make a huge difference. But I got upset when I heard it, as did Mum, so it's important that I make this clear. The bad news is that it is a grade 3 cancer, which means it is an aggressive form. I had been told by the breast consultant that it was a grade 2 tumour but my oncologist informed me that it was grade 3. Another possible bad news is that it tested positive for high levels of HER2 receptors. HER2 is a protein found on the tumour which is bound by another protein (known as a human epidermal growth factor), thereby enabling cell division and growth - basically bad news. However, it means that I'll be prescribed Herceptin, a drug which effectively binds to the HER2 protein and stops the growth factor from attaching to it. In addition, Herceptin attracts immune cells to help destroy cancer cells. All in all, this is more accurately neutral news. On the positive side, there are several items of good news. First, my bone scan came back clear and although it is not 100% certain yet it appears that my lymph nodes are also unaffected. The other tests also showed no abnormalities. But best of all, my tumour cells are both oestrogen and progesterone positive. It does mean that I'll be getting hormone therapy for 5 years but it also means that the risk of the cancer returning is reduced by about 50% (according to what I've read so far). My oncologist was certainly "glad" (in these circumstances) to get such results.
So now I wait for chemotherapy to start on Monday. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. When signing the consent form this morning I was given the full list of possible side effects. These range from the well documented nausea, fatigue and hair loss, to the less known but possible development of leukaemia, though the risk is limited to 0.1 to 0.2%. The benefits far outweigh this risk. There is also a 50% chance that I'll become infertile. Overall the treatment looks like this:
1. Chemotherapy - This aims to shrink the tumour as well as reduce the risk of the cancer returning. The tumour is reduced in 80% of cases and actually disappears completely in 10% of cases. The remaining 10% of cases see no change or an increase in tumour size. There are two phases. First, I'll get two drugs (adriamycin and cyclophosphamide) administered every three weeks for four cycles, then I'll get four cycles of another drug (Docetaxel).
2. Surgery - This will obviously remove the lump and possibly lymph nodes.
3. Radiotherapy - I might not need this step.
4. One year of Herceptin (through injections I believe) and five years of hormone therapy.
I'm off to enjoy my last few days free of treatment. I hope you are all well.
And thank you for the comment you've left - I'll try and respond soon.
I had my final appointment/scan today. The MRI scan was fairly straightforward, if not particularly enjoyable. I got some good and bad news regarding Vicky. I need to make it clear, though, that in terms of prognosis the bad news only has a very marginal negative outcome - it really doesn't make a huge difference. But I got upset when I heard it, as did Mum, so it's important that I make this clear. The bad news is that it is a grade 3 cancer, which means it is an aggressive form. I had been told by the breast consultant that it was a grade 2 tumour but my oncologist informed me that it was grade 3. Another possible bad news is that it tested positive for high levels of HER2 receptors. HER2 is a protein found on the tumour which is bound by another protein (known as a human epidermal growth factor), thereby enabling cell division and growth - basically bad news. However, it means that I'll be prescribed Herceptin, a drug which effectively binds to the HER2 protein and stops the growth factor from attaching to it. In addition, Herceptin attracts immune cells to help destroy cancer cells. All in all, this is more accurately neutral news. On the positive side, there are several items of good news. First, my bone scan came back clear and although it is not 100% certain yet it appears that my lymph nodes are also unaffected. The other tests also showed no abnormalities. But best of all, my tumour cells are both oestrogen and progesterone positive. It does mean that I'll be getting hormone therapy for 5 years but it also means that the risk of the cancer returning is reduced by about 50% (according to what I've read so far). My oncologist was certainly "glad" (in these circumstances) to get such results.
So now I wait for chemotherapy to start on Monday. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried. When signing the consent form this morning I was given the full list of possible side effects. These range from the well documented nausea, fatigue and hair loss, to the less known but possible development of leukaemia, though the risk is limited to 0.1 to 0.2%. The benefits far outweigh this risk. There is also a 50% chance that I'll become infertile. Overall the treatment looks like this:
1. Chemotherapy - This aims to shrink the tumour as well as reduce the risk of the cancer returning. The tumour is reduced in 80% of cases and actually disappears completely in 10% of cases. The remaining 10% of cases see no change or an increase in tumour size. There are two phases. First, I'll get two drugs (adriamycin and cyclophosphamide) administered every three weeks for four cycles, then I'll get four cycles of another drug (Docetaxel).
2. Surgery - This will obviously remove the lump and possibly lymph nodes.
3. Radiotherapy - I might not need this step.
4. One year of Herceptin (through injections I believe) and five years of hormone therapy.
I'm off to enjoy my last few days free of treatment. I hope you are all well.
And thank you for the comment you've left - I'll try and respond soon.
11 September 2006
One more test to go - maybe
First of all I've decided I was going to name my cancer Vicky Pollard because the word cancer conjures far too many negative emotions when it deserves nothing but contempt.
After spending my weekend shopping for organic food and food supplements, and spending a lovely evening in Battersea Park, I was back in hospital this morning for a mammogram. The appointment letter kindly told me that it could take up to four weeks to get the results - the suspense is already killing me. Then I had a scan, which showed not only my tumour but also a couple of cysts. A coil was inserted in or on the tumour. This procedure will not only let us know whether the chemotherapy is shrinking Vicky but it will also help locate it during the operation. It was a completely painless procedure, the mammogram was actually more painful.
I then went to see the research and breast cancer nurses to discuss a few matters. I have declined to take part in the clinical trial but I will probably be taking part in a couple of other studies which aim to look at the impact of chemotherapy on the heart and the differences between women under and over 40 years in terms of cancer evolution. The trial I declined is aiming to look at different combinations of drugs as well as the timing of administration of different drugs. Because the side effects of one of the drugs are supposed to be particularly unpleasant I want to start with that nasty drug - I just want to get it out of the way basically.
I did get some good news. The Willow Foundation is a charity which aims to organise special days out for young adults - and yes, I still classify as young despite (I'm not going to name names) what 21-year-old sisters might think - who suffer from serious illnesses. This normally takes place at the end of the treatment. The patients get to choose what they would like to do and the Foundation will organise and fund the special day. This has actually cheered me up a bit so I will have to look into this.
I have tomorrow off and I'll be off shopping again, trying to find the best places to buy organic fruit and vegetables. And then, if I've managed to forgive them, I might watch Liverpool take on PSV.
After spending my weekend shopping for organic food and food supplements, and spending a lovely evening in Battersea Park, I was back in hospital this morning for a mammogram. The appointment letter kindly told me that it could take up to four weeks to get the results - the suspense is already killing me. Then I had a scan, which showed not only my tumour but also a couple of cysts. A coil was inserted in or on the tumour. This procedure will not only let us know whether the chemotherapy is shrinking Vicky but it will also help locate it during the operation. It was a completely painless procedure, the mammogram was actually more painful.
I then went to see the research and breast cancer nurses to discuss a few matters. I have declined to take part in the clinical trial but I will probably be taking part in a couple of other studies which aim to look at the impact of chemotherapy on the heart and the differences between women under and over 40 years in terms of cancer evolution. The trial I declined is aiming to look at different combinations of drugs as well as the timing of administration of different drugs. Because the side effects of one of the drugs are supposed to be particularly unpleasant I want to start with that nasty drug - I just want to get it out of the way basically.
I did get some good news. The Willow Foundation is a charity which aims to organise special days out for young adults - and yes, I still classify as young despite (I'm not going to name names) what 21-year-old sisters might think - who suffer from serious illnesses. This normally takes place at the end of the treatment. The patients get to choose what they would like to do and the Foundation will organise and fund the special day. This has actually cheered me up a bit so I will have to look into this.
I have tomorrow off and I'll be off shopping again, trying to find the best places to buy organic fruit and vegetables. And then, if I've managed to forgive them, I might watch Liverpool take on PSV.
09 September 2006
Dates known and other things
I now know when all of my tests are being done (two on Monday and the MRI scan on Wednesday), and I will be starting chemotherapy on Monday 18 September at 10.30 am. I am exhausted - it has been a long week, one which has left me drained emotionally, physically and mentally. I have spent hours in waiting rooms, having tests done and commuting. Although I'm worried about the treatment and side effects of chemotherapy I'm glad I'll be settling into a routine soon and won't require all these tests. I did get two good news items. First, my liver was clear. And secondly, there's the likelihood that I won't be getting my period - and therefore PMS - during chemotherapy. That's excellent news as far as I'm concerned, especially for those who have to live with me or see me regularly.
I'm about to set off to buy some organic food and food supplements. A friend's ordered an information pack from the Bristol Cancer Care centre, which gives a lot of information on what to do to improve health during treatment and on all matters relating to cancer. Organic food, of course, can't be recommended enough because they contain no chemicals or hormones. There's also a need to get good supplements to support the body. So basically I'm looking into all this this weekend. I've also contacted The Haven, which is a centre in London providing complementary therapies such as acupuncture (very helpful for nausea), relaxation and visualisation techniques, among others. I have an appointment to see them on 27 September. There also appears to be workshops on nutrition during chemotherapy, as there are ways to minimise the side effects. A very good friend's already offered to buy me a juicer, which should help me absorb nutrients more easily. I also need to find foods high in antioxidants, but that shouldn't be a problem. Finally, I'm looking into buying books which provide recipes specifically for cancer sufferers as well as those providing information on ways to cope with this illness.
Um, at some point I'll also have to decide whether I want to take part in that clinical trial. Might just toss a coin. I'd better be off as a friend should be visiting me today. And Liverpool are playing at 12.45 pm AND THEY HAD BETTER WIN OR ELSE.
Enjoy your weekend.
I'm about to set off to buy some organic food and food supplements. A friend's ordered an information pack from the Bristol Cancer Care centre, which gives a lot of information on what to do to improve health during treatment and on all matters relating to cancer. Organic food, of course, can't be recommended enough because they contain no chemicals or hormones. There's also a need to get good supplements to support the body. So basically I'm looking into all this this weekend. I've also contacted The Haven, which is a centre in London providing complementary therapies such as acupuncture (very helpful for nausea), relaxation and visualisation techniques, among others. I have an appointment to see them on 27 September. There also appears to be workshops on nutrition during chemotherapy, as there are ways to minimise the side effects. A very good friend's already offered to buy me a juicer, which should help me absorb nutrients more easily. I also need to find foods high in antioxidants, but that shouldn't be a problem. Finally, I'm looking into buying books which provide recipes specifically for cancer sufferers as well as those providing information on ways to cope with this illness.
Um, at some point I'll also have to decide whether I want to take part in that clinical trial. Might just toss a coin. I'd better be off as a friend should be visiting me today. And Liverpool are playing at 12.45 pm AND THEY HAD BETTER WIN OR ELSE.
Enjoy your weekend.
08 September 2006
A bit of a shock
I got the diagnosis of breast cancer on 5 September - three days ago. I think the news sunk in quite quickly - although my consultant didn't give me the initial results following the first biopsy some of the things he said led me to believe it wasn't going to be good news. And I was right.
As far as I'm concerned, the worst part is having to tell relatives and friends. I'm very lucky in that after having told my close family and friends, my mother took over. I know it's not easy for her either. Mind you, she coped very well on the first day, but that turned out to be short lived and a result of the sedation she received for a procedure she underwent on the day of my diagnosis. I was thinking 'Gosh, she's coping so well' but it did finally hit her. I'm very grateful that she is getting the ball rolling as it's all a bit overwhelming.
Following the diagnosis on Tuesday, I saw my oncologist on Wednesday to talk treatment options through and to order some more tests. I have the opportunity to take part in a clinical trial, which is something I'll have to think over this weekend. I was back in hospital yesterday for a bone scan, which involved being injected with a radioactive substance before being scanned, and I'm due back in today for a liver scan, which I believe should be a straightforward ultrasound. I have to go in on Monday for some more tests and squeeze in an MRI scan at some point before treatment begins. I'll be seeing my oncologist again on Wednesday to make my final decision and sign papers. And I should be starting chemotherapy on 15 or 22 September. So much to look forward to.
The chemotherapy aims to reduce the size of the lump before it is removed. I should have 4 to 6 months of chemotherapy followed by the operation and finally some radiotherapy. And in 9 months time I'm hoping that this two-centimetre mass of misbehaving cells will have buggered off.
Overall I think I'm coping ok. I'm very tired and already fed up with my trips to the hospital - not a great start. Thankfully everyone has been extremely supportive and helpful. The tumour has been caught early and it's growing at an intermediate rate. It could've been a lot worse.
As far as I'm concerned, the worst part is having to tell relatives and friends. I'm very lucky in that after having told my close family and friends, my mother took over. I know it's not easy for her either. Mind you, she coped very well on the first day, but that turned out to be short lived and a result of the sedation she received for a procedure she underwent on the day of my diagnosis. I was thinking 'Gosh, she's coping so well' but it did finally hit her. I'm very grateful that she is getting the ball rolling as it's all a bit overwhelming.
Following the diagnosis on Tuesday, I saw my oncologist on Wednesday to talk treatment options through and to order some more tests. I have the opportunity to take part in a clinical trial, which is something I'll have to think over this weekend. I was back in hospital yesterday for a bone scan, which involved being injected with a radioactive substance before being scanned, and I'm due back in today for a liver scan, which I believe should be a straightforward ultrasound. I have to go in on Monday for some more tests and squeeze in an MRI scan at some point before treatment begins. I'll be seeing my oncologist again on Wednesday to make my final decision and sign papers. And I should be starting chemotherapy on 15 or 22 September. So much to look forward to.
The chemotherapy aims to reduce the size of the lump before it is removed. I should have 4 to 6 months of chemotherapy followed by the operation and finally some radiotherapy. And in 9 months time I'm hoping that this two-centimetre mass of misbehaving cells will have buggered off.
Overall I think I'm coping ok. I'm very tired and already fed up with my trips to the hospital - not a great start. Thankfully everyone has been extremely supportive and helpful. The tumour has been caught early and it's growing at an intermediate rate. It could've been a lot worse.
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